Dead Silence (2007) Dir: James Wan

Undeservedly maligned 'proper' horror from Saw director James Wan and, yes, Saw writer, Leigh Whannell. (Oh and the score is provided by the same guy as Saw, too!)

The plot:
A nauseatingly happy young couple's lives are ruined when a mysterious package turns up on the doorstep. Large and unlabelled, they open the parcel and, within, discover a ventriloquist's mannequin, bedecked in a tuxedo and looking for all the world like something really fucking terrifying. Foolishly, they chose not to burn the blasted thing at once, as most rational people would have done and, instead, the guy goes out to get Chinese and, when he returns, his woman is dead, her tongue ripped clean from her throat.
So begins a sinister chain of events that will have ties back to his own family, will involve an unnecessarily wacky detective, and will feature the odd interlude of unfortunate CGI effects.

You know, I really like James Wan.
He's suffered, you see, from the massive success of Saw.
Unjustifiably.
He was only directly involved in the first installment - he exec. produced the rest, which basically means turned up one morning and drank some coffee - and a mighty fine 'tricks and traps' horror movie it is, too. He's not to be blamed for the annual derivation, the yearly drop in standards.
Give him a break, motherfuckers.
Take last years Insidious. Really creepy, really menacing, right up until the last twenty minutes, sure, but the first hour was just great.
So here we have some genuine scares, some real genre-literate horror movie-making that should make the piss-pricks responsible for atrocious Freddy/Jason/Leatherface remakes deeply, deeply ashamed.
It's not perfect: it'll be too old school for some, whilst occasionally killing the atmosphere for the old school fans through some desperately unwanted CGI shots, but this is still decent horror and, frankly, that is more than can be said for most of the pap that is out there nowadays.
Quite liked this one.

4 out of 5

The Stendhal Syndrome (1996) Dir: Dario Argento

A particularly nasty late offering from Giallo master Dario Argento.
The plot:
Dario's daughter, Asia Argento, plays Detective Anna Manni, a homicide investigator hot on the heels of a serial killer leaving a trail of butchered, raped women across Italy.
Following the trail to Florence, Anna becomes afflicted by the mysterious Stendhal Syndrome whilst in a museum, a condition that causes disorientation and confusion when exposed to works of art. Apparently able now to step into paintings, Anna has herself been targeted by the serial killer and is led down an inexorable path towards confrontation with the cold blooded killer.
And pretty vicious it is, too.
Argento here appears to have eschewed his more artistic directorial flourishes for some proper, down and dirty, nasty gruel, the feel more akin to Lucio Fulci than his own previous works.
Another new touch is the camera following inanimate objects: pills being swallowed, bullets passing through flesh.
The plot itself is pretty standard, though pepped up with the surrealist addition of the paintings made real, and the really dark thought is that, during the prolonged, savage attack sequences, more often than not it's Argento's own daughter he is filming.
Though not quite of the same calibre as Tenebre, Phenomena or Opera, this is still a cut above most horror out there, and is a study in Argento's misogynistic view of the world.
Solid Italian horror, then.

Street Trash (1987) Dir: J. Michael Muro

Some films just scream cult classic.
The plot:
An unscrupulous off licence owner discovers a case of something potent called Viper in his basement and, not really knowing what it is, decides to sell it to the local wino's.
Good idea.
Except for the fact that something in the extra strong brew causes the flesh to slew from the bones in a shower of rampant gore.
With clear social commentary cutting through the madness, this does what good horror should do and sends a message as well as causing disgust.
Whilst the level of production is poor even for low budget offerings, this is clearly because all of the budget was spent on the SFX, and absolutely splendid they are too.
Fans of splatter will be well and truly satisfied by this, as the melting sequences are truly grotesque. Indeed, this is perhaps the most notorious of the bunch of movies loosely brought together under the umbrella term 'melt movies,' though Brian Yuzna's Sociey and Robert Feust's The Devil's Rain are also strong contenders, with honorable mentions for Body Melt and Class of Nuke 'Em High.
As far removed from mainstream horror (the Saws, the God awful Michael Bay produced remakes et al) as it is possible to get, this is one for cult devotees only, and only those with a strong stomach need apply.
Good stuff.

3 out of 5

Doomsday (2008) Dir: Neil Marshall

What an odd movie.
The plot:
It's 2007, and Scotland is ravaged by a deadly infection that sees the flesh slew off the bones of all infected. Unable to contain the outbreak, the authorities quarantine the entire northern area of the British Isles, effectively cutting the country in two, building a wall in the same spot as Hadrian some two millennia previously to isolate the spreading disease.
Skip forward thirty years, and a fresh outbreak occurs, this time in London. With news revealed to the desperate British Prime Minster that an apparent cure is evident in Scotland, a crack squad of military types are despatched.
Their mission:
Find the scientist known as Kane who, when last known alive, had been working on such a cure and bring him back to England.
The price for failure in the mission?
Banishment to the infected wastelands of Scotland....
A tried and tested plot, really, with echoes of Escape From New York, 28 Days Later, Lifeforce and more besides.
Stylistically, this is pretty confused.
The initial scenes recall the aforementioned Lifeforce but, when the military enter Scotland, we are treated to a quarter of an hour or so of full on Aliens style action, replete with lines lifted straight from the sci-fi horror classic, as well as design that also borrows heavily - the guns, the vehicle etc.
Then things take an altogether bizarre turn, as we focus on the surviving residents of the infected zone, a rowdy band of bloodthirsty cyberpunk types that could have been lifted right off the set of Mad Max.
With an undeniable energy, lashings of gore and a black, black heart, this is a melting pot of genre cliches, all fused together to create something new, something a bit different, and something that is most definitely enjoyable, without being altogether convincing.
The OTT costume designs and wonderfully overplayed performance by Craig Conway as Sol, leader of the Scottish maniacs are a little difficult to swallow but, forget all that and just go along for the ride.
Marshall is an undeniable talent in the genre field, yet to truly put a foot wrong. With Dog Soldiers, The Descent and Centurion also under his belt, he is clearly a director to look out for if visceral, genre-literate cinema sets your fluids in motion.
Flawed, then, but highly entertaining all the same.

4 out of 5

Sleepless (2001) Dir: Dario Argento

Dario Argento remains on familiar territory for this Turin based serial killer thriller.
The plot:
When a serial killer begins operating in Turin, an ageing detective believes that it is the work of a killer who has lain dormant for some 17 years. With the help of a technologically savvy rookie, the sleep deprived detective must solve the case before any more victims surface.
And it's all pretty much as you were.
Argento is the undisputed master of Giallo, at least as far as Smell the Cult HQ is concerned, but this does feel a little like treading water. Everything you would expect to be in place is present and correct: fairly savage death-scenes, primarily of women; lip-synching that is just off by a fraction; a sinister, faceless killer; plenty of knives, lovingly shot.
Though never reaching the heights of his late-seventies, early eighties Giallo masterpieces (Tenebre, Phenomena et al) this is still a masterclass in directorial flair, evidence of the fact that, really, Argento hates horror and does everything in his power to distance himself from the crowd.
I said it felt like treading water?
Well, Argento on auto-pilot is still better than most of what's out there.
Solid Giallo.

4 out of 5

Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992) Dir: Anthony Hickox

Picking up straight after the events of the original, this is an altogether more ambitious affair.
The plot:
With the Waxwork burning to the ground, Our Heroes Mark and Sarah flee in a passing taxi, not noticing the dismembered, animated hand that has decided to follow them.
Back at Sarah's, the hand kills her drunken father, causing the couple to search Sir Wilfred's (Patrick Macnee) place for clues.
With Sarah standing to be accused of her father's murder, our plucky adventurers must take Sir Wilfred's time compass, and travel back in time to try to prove her innocence.
Featuring such genre fare luminaries as Marina 'Deanna Troi' Sirtis, Bruce Campbell and David Carradine and more film references than you could shake a Wayan brother at - Aliens, Frankenstein, Dawn of the Dead and The Pit and the Pendulum all get a look in, and that's just for starters - this is far reaching in scope but, unfortunately, feels a little too chaotic, a little too unfocused.
Whilst it is impossible to get bored due to the constant switching of scenes and locations, it is also true that it is impossible to become truly engaged.
With limited use of gore, though still with Hickox's Raimi-inspired directorial flair, this is a must watch for cult movie fans, despite not quite living up to the genuine originality of the first.
Decent.

4 out of 5

Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971) Dir: Dario Argento

Argento's understated stalker thriller is just a tad dull.
The plot: A musician living in Rome is a troubled man. Having killed a stalker a short while ago, now he finds himself the target of yet another stalker.
What a pisser.
Unable to go to the police for fear of criminal recriminations for the death at his own hands, he must attempt to deal with the mysterious menace alone.
And it's all a touch dreary.
The lead character of Robert is played in spectacularly drab manner by one Michael Brandon, never really engaging the viewer.
The plot, though standard giallo fare, feels tired and half-baked and never really convinces.
Coupled with the air of menace Argento is attempting to convey, he also chooses the odd moment of misplaced, misfiring comedy - a stereotypical homosexual character, played for laughs, weird one-liners lost in translation and the like - which doesn't work on any level, given that it simply drains away any tension and fails to amuse.
Though there are brief flashes of the brilliance to come from this director, with some lovely directorial flourishes - the lovingly shot knife blades, the head bouncing down the stairs, the close up of the eyes - this fails to deliver either in terms of intrigue or terror.
Still, Argento was merely developing his craft here and would later go on to produce some of the finest movies in horror's rich history.
A misfire, but a forgivable one.

3 out of 5

Warlock: The Armageddon (1993) Dir: Anthony Hickox

Cult director Anthony 'Waxwork' Hickox serves up a silly, spooky sequel to a cult classic.
The plot:
Julian Sands returns in his role as the campest Warlock this side of Devildom, son of Satan himself and, in a quest to allow his father to walk on the face of the Earth, he must collect a series of gemstones which, once acquired, will allow him to open up a portal to Hell at the precise moment of a solar eclipse.
In his way, a family of druids and the white witch sensibilities of the delectable Paula Marshall.
And what a load of old nonsense it is, but very definitely in a good way.
Sands hams it up with some gusto as the evil one and, one for the ladies, we get a fleeting flash of his little pecker.
The special effects are trademark Hickox, with much used made of object overlay as well as some rudimentary digital effects.
With the odd moment of gore - proper physical gore, mind, not this CGI crap we have to put up with these days, and quite gruelly it is too - and a good visual style, this is entertaining schlock horror and the kind of movie which, sadly, they just don't make anymore.
Liked it quite a lot.

4 out of 5

Someone's Watching Me! (1978) Dir: John Carpenter

Oft overlooked TV movie from horror meister Carpenter, released the same year as the vaunted Halloween.
The plot:
A young woman, who works as a director of live TV, moves into a swanky new apartment in L.A. Shortly after her arrival, she begins receiving telephone calls, nothing too sinister at first, but soon ratcheting into something altogether more menacing, as a mysterious man turns her life into a living hell.
As a TV movie, it is perhaps inevitable that this is pretty tame when compared with Carpenter's fully fledged cinematic offerings, but this movie is not without it's merits. Carpenter's trademark directorial flourishes are present and correct: lengthy tracking shots to convey menace; excellent use of POV shots; imaginative use of lighting to add atmosphere.
But there are issues here, too.
Firstly, the lead character is really hard to like. She's so damned perky and optimistic, whistling and singing her way through her day, even talking to herself in a really upbeat, joyful way. Honestly, it turns the stomach.
Secondly, she seems a bit dim-witted. What is meant to come across as obstinate and determined seems simply foolish as, long after the stalker has made his presence known AND made it abundantly clear that he is watching her every move, still she wanders around her apartment with lights ablaze, curtains open. At one point she even has sex right there in the window.
Made me cross.
Finally, and perhaps most significantly, the incidental music is not written by Carpenter, so we don't really have that sinister final element that really lifts most of his work, instead the score is bog standard TV movie fodder, all blazing brass and honking horns, which is quite headache inducing.
Still, as a TV movie, this weren't 'alf bad, and there were certainly signs of the greatness to come, and Carpenter's cine-literacy was evident with clear nods to Hitchcock and Argento. It could even be claimed that this would go on to inspire Craven's Scream, due to the utilisation of the telephone as the primary instrument of terror.
And heck, the villain even wore Michael Myers' trademark dark blue boiler suit!
What more could you ask?

3 out of 5

God Told Me To (1976) Dir: Larry Cohen

Master of the exploitation movie, Larry 'It's Alive,' 'The Stuff,' 'Q: The Winged Serpent' Cohen here takes us on a nightmarish journey towards the Apocalypse.
The plot: A New York Detective, Peter Nicholas, attempts to talk down a sniper from the rooftop of a building. When Nicholas asks him why he wanted to shoot people, the sniper informs him that "God Told Him To," just before plunging headlong off the building to his death.
So begins a sequence of similar incidents that Nicholas investigates, each time the culprit claiming that "God Told Them To.
Drawn inexorably towards a shocking conclusion, is Detective Nicholas somehow involved?
And who is the strange, blond man, shining with angelic light that people keep witnessing?
It's odd, that's for sure, straddling the line between several genres.
There's a clear thriller influence, as well as horror and a healthy dose of theology thrown in, too.
The acting, for the type of movie, is more than acceptable and, being penned by Cohen, the script is way above the standard you would expect.
With a nice line in irreverence, and a splendidly seedy, grainy feel to the film stock used, this is a rock solid 70's exploitation classic that even the mighty Christopher Nolan invoked for the St. Patrick's Day massacre in The Dark Knight.
A genuine cult classic.

4 out of 5

Cronos (1993) Dir: Guillermo del Toro

Guillermo del Toro's breakthrough movie is a strange, quietly disturbing affair. The plot: Almost 500 hundred years ago, an alchemist devised a small piece of machinery that promised the gift of eternal life.
In present times (well, 1997) the Cronos device unwittingly falls into the hands of an ageing antiques dealer, Mr. Gris. Playing a board game with his young grand-daughter, suddenly the table is over-run with cockroaches, the source of which a winged, angelic statue Breaking the statue open, Mr. Gris discovers the device, a beautiful and ornate creation, scarab-like in shape and, clutching it in his hand, suddenly the thing sprouts legs, the legs snapping into place against his hand, piercing the flesh. Slowly, a thin, nozzle-like protuberance extends from the head end of the device, this too piercing his flesh. Meanwhile, another seeks the device, a man who will stop at nothing to get his hands on it, for he too seeks the promise of eternal life and, with Ron Perlman acting as his muscle, there's every chance he'll get it, too.
Massively inventive, this shrieks cult classic with almost every frame.
It's sinister, too, the lighting of each scene evocative and disturbing, lending the viewer the need to peer into the shadows that drape the corners of the screen throughout, just in case something truly horrible lurks there.
Imaginative and visually impressive, this is a fine movie indeed.

4 out of 5

Saw 3D (2010) Dir: Kevin Greutert

The makers here claim this to be the last installment but, given the packed house I watched this in at 4 in the afternoon, my suspicious mind is already foreseeing an 8th outing for the deadly trap franchise.
So, what makes this different from the six movies that went before?
Well, pretty much nothing.
Same type of setup: a man is forced to face his own failings, to prove his desire for a worthwhile life through a series of dastardly and sadistic traps that, inevitably, involve some of those closest to him.
So, much of a muchness then, which was to be expected - any franchise that gets to part 7 is bound to be running out of steam - but with Saw VII comes a new gimmick: Real 3D, leading to one of the best taglines I've heard in quite a while:
"This October, the traps come alive."
But did the 3D deliver the goods?
As ever, due to my dodgy eyes it is difficult for me to judge it entirely accurately but, from what I could pick out, it was certainly not as effective as, say, Piranha earlier this summer, and James Cameron won't be losing any sleep over it. Let's face it, once you've seen one length of entrail spinning towards the screen at high speed, you've seen them all.
The makers have been considerate enough to throw in plenty of stuff for long term fans, with some nice references, some all the way back to movie number 1, and with a plot construction that leads to a reasonable conclusion, though not an especially satisfying one, here's hoping they stick to their word and leave this one well alone from now on as, frankly, the only way is downwards from here.
Average, then, but no worse than that.

3 out of 5