Flashbacks.
Traps.
Jigsaw wreaking havoc from beyond the grave.
A new Jigsaw in town.
Spinning blades.
Flying entrails.
More plot contrivances than you can shake a thumbscrew at.
Getting quite tiresome, now.
Can't take much more of this.
Rapidly running out of steam.
Laboured.
Franchise in free fall.
If you listen carefully, you can just hear the sound of the scriptwriters desperately trying to tie together all the loose threads.
Failing.
Give up trying.
Plot groans under the sheer weight of it's own implausibility.
Where does he get the money from?
And the time?
Only 1 more to go and they've all been seen.
Oh the sweet mercy.
Enough now.
Enough.
Please, someone, make the bleeding stop.
2 out of 5
Showing posts with label torture porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label torture porn. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Saw 3D (2010) Dir: Kevin Greutert
The makers here claim this to be the last installment but, given the packed house I watched this in at 4 in the afternoon, my suspicious mind is already foreseeing an 8th outing for the deadly trap franchise.
So, what makes this different from the six movies that went before?
Well, pretty much nothing.
Same type of setup: a man is forced to face his own failings, to prove his desire for a worthwhile life through a series of dastardly and sadistic traps that, inevitably, involve some of those closest to him.
So, much of a muchness then, which was to be expected - any franchise that gets to part 7 is bound to be running out of steam - but with Saw VII comes a new gimmick: Real 3D, leading to one of the best taglines I've heard in quite a while:
"This October, the traps come alive."
But did the 3D deliver the goods?
As ever, due to my dodgy eyes it is difficult for me to judge it entirely accurately but, from what I could pick out, it was certainly not as effective as, say, Piranha earlier this summer, and James Cameron won't be losing any sleep over it. Let's face it, once you've seen one length of entrail spinning towards the screen at high speed, you've seen them all.
The makers have been considerate enough to throw in plenty of stuff for long term fans, with some nice references, some all the way back to movie number 1, and with a plot construction that leads to a reasonable conclusion, though not an especially satisfying one, here's hoping they stick to their word and leave this one well alone from now on as, frankly, the only way is downwards from here.
Average, then, but no worse than that.
3 out of 5
So, what makes this different from the six movies that went before?
Well, pretty much nothing.
Same type of setup: a man is forced to face his own failings, to prove his desire for a worthwhile life through a series of dastardly and sadistic traps that, inevitably, involve some of those closest to him.
So, much of a muchness then, which was to be expected - any franchise that gets to part 7 is bound to be running out of steam - but with Saw VII comes a new gimmick: Real 3D, leading to one of the best taglines I've heard in quite a while:
"This October, the traps come alive."
But did the 3D deliver the goods?
As ever, due to my dodgy eyes it is difficult for me to judge it entirely accurately but, from what I could pick out, it was certainly not as effective as, say, Piranha earlier this summer, and James Cameron won't be losing any sleep over it. Let's face it, once you've seen one length of entrail spinning towards the screen at high speed, you've seen them all.
The makers have been considerate enough to throw in plenty of stuff for long term fans, with some nice references, some all the way back to movie number 1, and with a plot construction that leads to a reasonable conclusion, though not an especially satisfying one, here's hoping they stick to their word and leave this one well alone from now on as, frankly, the only way is downwards from here.
Average, then, but no worse than that.
3 out of 5
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Saw III (2006) Dir: Darren Lynn Bousman
There is an argument to suggest that this should have been the last of the Saw movies but, inevitably, when a franchise is making such a killing at the box office, for relatively little outlay ($10 million is the figure quoted on IMDB) then the studio responsible will be keen to continue to maximise their profits.
Not than I'm cynical about the Saw franchise, mind.
Not a bit of it.
But, enough of the griping, let's talk about the movie, because it is very enjoyable fare, indeed.
Jigsaw is close to death, Amanda struggling to keep his bodily functions active, so they devise a plan. Get in a doctor to keep him alive, but booby trap her so that, should his heart stop, the collar strapped to her body will detonate, killing her instantly. See, Jigsaw wants to see out his last game, the subject playing the game known only as Jeff, a man whose son was killed several years ago by a reckless driver. Riddled with anguish and haunted by thoughts of vengeance, Jigsaw intends to give him the opportunity to either exact his vengeance, or to reach inside himself and learn about forgiveness.
Inevitably, as Jigsaw's dastardly scheme is revealed it is far more complex than at first it appears.
Keeping up the level of inventiveness of the first two, this one actually ups the ante in terms of sickness - the liquified pig drowning section is quite simply the most nauseating thing I have ever seen - as well as ensuring that the viewer is pretty clueless as to the endgame until the closing couple of minutes.
Saw is a franchise that divides opinion, where debates rage about the morality of such films, lazy labelling with the term 'torture porn' and accusations that they are derivative drivel and, frankly, there is some justification for all of those things but, call me ignortant if you must, I bloody love them.
Part 7 is due out imminently, apparently The Final Chapter.
We'll see.
4 out of 5
Not than I'm cynical about the Saw franchise, mind.
Not a bit of it.
But, enough of the griping, let's talk about the movie, because it is very enjoyable fare, indeed.
Jigsaw is close to death, Amanda struggling to keep his bodily functions active, so they devise a plan. Get in a doctor to keep him alive, but booby trap her so that, should his heart stop, the collar strapped to her body will detonate, killing her instantly. See, Jigsaw wants to see out his last game, the subject playing the game known only as Jeff, a man whose son was killed several years ago by a reckless driver. Riddled with anguish and haunted by thoughts of vengeance, Jigsaw intends to give him the opportunity to either exact his vengeance, or to reach inside himself and learn about forgiveness.
Inevitably, as Jigsaw's dastardly scheme is revealed it is far more complex than at first it appears.
Keeping up the level of inventiveness of the first two, this one actually ups the ante in terms of sickness - the liquified pig drowning section is quite simply the most nauseating thing I have ever seen - as well as ensuring that the viewer is pretty clueless as to the endgame until the closing couple of minutes.
Saw is a franchise that divides opinion, where debates rage about the morality of such films, lazy labelling with the term 'torture porn' and accusations that they are derivative drivel and, frankly, there is some justification for all of those things but, call me ignortant if you must, I bloody love them.
Part 7 is due out imminently, apparently The Final Chapter.
We'll see.
4 out of 5
Saturday, 24 July 2010
The Collector (2009) Dir: Marcus Dunstan
I'm feeling an immense sense of relief right now.
Just returned from the cinema where I watched yet another modern horror movie. As I entered the theatre, I was waiting to be disappointed, waiting to feel that burning fury that festers after the first thirty minutes or so, just waiting for the anger to boil over on the way home; screaming at the driver in front for moving too slowly, banging the horn in frustration, or rolling the window down to scream at the old lady doddering across the road with her arms laden with shopping bags, screeching 'Move you fucking hag,' not really angry at her, angry at the lamentable efforts of the movie makers, lashing out at those who deserve it least.
But, no such reaction today.
Today I am an ocean of tranquility, my heart beating slowly in my chest, thirty eight, thirty nine, forty times a minute as I focus on slowing my metabolism to a near catatonic state in a bid to prolong the feelings of genuine pleasure that are coursing through me having sat through ninety minutes of gruel, gruesomeness and gore that had me grinning like an imbecile by the end.
Here's the plot: Arkin is a man on the edge. His girlfriend has until midnight to lay her hands on a serious amount of cash to fend of the loan sharks that are circling, teeth bared, eager for their pound of flesh. Out of nought but desperation, he plans the robbery of a very wealthy family he has been working for, casing the joint in case of just such an eventuality. He's figured out where the safe is and knows full well that concealed within is a gem worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Getting in is the easy part but, once inside, he discovers he is not alone. The Collector is present, an unidentified male sporting a rather fetching gimp mask and, unexpectedly, the family are still home, trussed up in the basement, playthings of The Collector.
Can Arkin escape the house that The Collector has riddled with lethal booby traps?
Can he help the family escape?
Or will his latent homosexual feelings emerge as he spies the man in leather, so that they join forces and start double-teaming the father whilst still bound in coils of barbed wire?
(I made that last bit up).
Directed by the man responsible for penning Saws 4 through 7, you pretty much know what you are letting yourself in for here, and he delivers it with some conviction.
Nasty, brutal and genuinely shocking in places - the secateurs on the tongue is particularly sac shrinking - this is one of those that will divide even horror aficionados, with lovers and loathers in equal measure, some declaring it torture porn, some revelling in its ghastliness.
If Saw or Hostel were too much for your mellow disposition, I'd avoid this like brown snow as this is a nastier animal altogether.
Liked it a lot.
4 out of 5
Just returned from the cinema where I watched yet another modern horror movie. As I entered the theatre, I was waiting to be disappointed, waiting to feel that burning fury that festers after the first thirty minutes or so, just waiting for the anger to boil over on the way home; screaming at the driver in front for moving too slowly, banging the horn in frustration, or rolling the window down to scream at the old lady doddering across the road with her arms laden with shopping bags, screeching 'Move you fucking hag,' not really angry at her, angry at the lamentable efforts of the movie makers, lashing out at those who deserve it least.
But, no such reaction today.
Today I am an ocean of tranquility, my heart beating slowly in my chest, thirty eight, thirty nine, forty times a minute as I focus on slowing my metabolism to a near catatonic state in a bid to prolong the feelings of genuine pleasure that are coursing through me having sat through ninety minutes of gruel, gruesomeness and gore that had me grinning like an imbecile by the end.
Here's the plot: Arkin is a man on the edge. His girlfriend has until midnight to lay her hands on a serious amount of cash to fend of the loan sharks that are circling, teeth bared, eager for their pound of flesh. Out of nought but desperation, he plans the robbery of a very wealthy family he has been working for, casing the joint in case of just such an eventuality. He's figured out where the safe is and knows full well that concealed within is a gem worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Getting in is the easy part but, once inside, he discovers he is not alone. The Collector is present, an unidentified male sporting a rather fetching gimp mask and, unexpectedly, the family are still home, trussed up in the basement, playthings of The Collector.
Can Arkin escape the house that The Collector has riddled with lethal booby traps?
Can he help the family escape?
Or will his latent homosexual feelings emerge as he spies the man in leather, so that they join forces and start double-teaming the father whilst still bound in coils of barbed wire?
(I made that last bit up).
Directed by the man responsible for penning Saws 4 through 7, you pretty much know what you are letting yourself in for here, and he delivers it with some conviction.
Nasty, brutal and genuinely shocking in places - the secateurs on the tongue is particularly sac shrinking - this is one of those that will divide even horror aficionados, with lovers and loathers in equal measure, some declaring it torture porn, some revelling in its ghastliness.
If Saw or Hostel were too much for your mellow disposition, I'd avoid this like brown snow as this is a nastier animal altogether.
Liked it a lot.
4 out of 5
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