Absurd (1981 aka Rosso Sangue & Horrible) Dir: Joe D'Amato

Sequel to D'Amato's own infamous gore-fest Antropophagus, this is a film made infamous in it's own right as one of the 72 movies labelled with the term 'Video nasty' (as was Antropophagus) by that guardian of moral integrity, Mary Whitehouse, and successfully prosecuted by the DPP (Department of Public Prosecution) in the early 80's in the UK.
The law itself was the Video Recordings Act 1984, designed to protect the public (!) from obscene and gratuitous content on the newly available home video format, ultimately served only to garner notoriety for the titles listed.
The fucking idiots.

The plot:
A Greek Orthodox priest arrives in a small community and attracts the attention of the local police. Initially reluctant to reveal the nature of his visit, the priest is forced to show his hand when a series of grisly murders commences, the priest revealing that the culprit is a man who has the power of incredible strength and recovery, facilitated by a super-charged metabolism and the fact that his blood coagulates at an extraordinarily rapid rate so, even if shot, his wounds barely affect him.

In true slasher style, the focus here is on the chase, with the plot centreing by turns on the killer stalking his victims, dispatching them in amusingly violent and imaginative means, as well as on the police hunt for him.
Possessing a down and dirty, gritty atmosphere, this is elevated by the sumptuous score which is a perfect blend of Italian giallo stylings laced with the stripped down, terror-inducing monotony of John Carpenter's best musical offerings.
The controversy regarding the gore lies chiefly with the killers' chosen methods of slaying, primarily power tools - an electric screwdriver, an industrial scale jigsaw - as well as, less conventionally (pun intended), an oven used to roast someone's head like a jacket potato whilst they are still alive before plunging a pair of scissors into their neck.
Yum-yum.
Featuring a jaw-droppingly good final scene to pack a killer punch to match the insanely gory preceding 90 minutes or so, this is Italian schlock and then some.
Great horror.

4 out of 5

Warlock: The Armageddon (1993) Dir: Anthony Hickox

Cult director Anthony 'Waxwork' Hickox serves up a silly, spooky sequel to a cult classic.
The plot:
Julian Sands returns in his role as the campest Warlock this side of Devildom, son of Satan himself and, in a quest to allow his father to walk on the face of the Earth, he must collect a series of gemstones which, once acquired, will allow him to open up a portal to Hell at the precise moment of a solar eclipse.
In his way, a family of druids and the white witch sensibilities of the delectable Paula Marshall.
And what a load of old nonsense it is, but very definitely in a good way.
Sands hams it up with some gusto as the evil one and, one for the ladies, we get a fleeting flash of his little pecker.
The special effects are trademark Hickox, with much used made of object overlay as well as some rudimentary digital effects.
With the odd moment of gore - proper physical gore, mind, not this CGI crap we have to put up with these days, and quite gruelly it is too - and a good visual style, this is entertaining schlock horror and the kind of movie which, sadly, they just don't make anymore.
Liked it quite a lot.

4 out of 5

Robocop 2 (1990) Dir: Irvin Kershner

Well, this is a bit of a mess, I'm afraid.
The plot: It's a year since the events of the first movie, and Detroit's police, under the control of OCP, are out on strike over pension troubles.
OCP, keen to build on the success of the Robocop project look to redevelop and introduce a new model into the market, Robocop 2.
Trouble is, all of the prototypes keep on malfunctioning.
One ultra-ambitious female scientist decides that what is needed inside the beast is the mind of a criminal, and what criminal could be better than Cain, ringleader of the notorious Nuke cult, a pseudo-religious criminal organisation that are flooding the streets of Detroit with Nuke, the most potent and addictive narcotic known to man.
Inevitably, with Cain rendered as machine, a showdown with the original Robocop can only be a matter of time.....
For a movie with Robocop in the title, the eponymous character gains very little screen time. Indeed, the character has already become something of a caricature, a fact not helped when he is reprogrammed by OCP and begins to exhibit very odd behaviour.
All of the protagonists are playing their roles with tongue very firmly in cheek, which would be fine if it were even vaguely funny but, unfortunately, it's not.
Gone is the biting satire and ultra-violence of the original, in their place knockabout comedy and elongated shoot-outs.
Lacking the class, invention and, possibly most importantly, the wonderful score of the parent movie, this flounders and flaps and ends up feeling utterly directionless.
A very poor sequel indeed, made all the more disappointing by the fact that the man behind the camera brought the world The Empire Strikes Back.

2 out of 5

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) Dir: Tod Williams

You know, I've seen so many horror movies I could not even begin to muster a guess at the grand total. In the thousands, I should imagine, it's got to be and, in all this time, I can honestly say that perhaps three, maybe four have genuinely scared me.
The Exorcist had me aquiverin', Candyman put the willies up me, as it were, and then....and then.....I'm already struggling to think of another
Until today.
Paranormal Activity 2, I reluctantly admit, scared the bejaysus out of me.
Whilst we are in confession mode, I must admit to not having seen the original, so have no frame of reference but, if this sequel is anything to go by, that must have been one seriously good horror movie, assuming the law of deminishing returns applies here as it does with most franchises.
The plot: A wealthy couple with a teenage daughter and a young baby move into a new house, along with their nanny. The nanny tells them that there are sinister spirits in the house, but is promptly sacked by the father when she attempts to exorcise them with some mysterious vapours. He doesn't hold with that sort of nonsense. Quickly, however, he changes his tune as, in a gradual, nerve-shredding escalation, disturbing events transpire in the home, primarily at night.
And it is heart stopping stuff.
The direction is twitchy, almost spastic, and this draws you right in to the action. Liberal application of PoV shots adds to the realism but, as is often the way, it's what you don't see that really spooks you.
Fundamentally, of course, this is not much more than a retread of Amityville, but it it is all handled so expertly that that is quickly forgiven, as blood freezing horror after blood freezing horror is presented.
I was gripping the cinema seat armrest so hard it would not have surprised me at all had the bloody thing ripped right off.
Genuinely frightening, utterly disturbing, this is a masterclass in terror.
Superb.

5 out of 5