Contagion (2011) Dir: Steven Soderbergh

Ever worried about the number of times you touch your face each day?
No?
You might after this.

The plot:
A previously unknown virus manifests, clustering in various spots around the world: Hong Kong, London, Chicago, with no apparent link.
A team of scientists, foremost amongst them Dr. Erin Mears (Kate Winslet) are tasked with determining the cause and, crucially, the potential ramifications of a true epidemic. Slowly, as science loses the battle against a microscopic foe, the question becomes not how many will die, but how many will survive?
Countering the official position, some decide that the world governments are in collusion and that a cure already exists, and spread the word via the Internet, online bloggers with a voice far louder than that any minister could ever hope to garner.
So who will win?
The authorities?
The bloggers?
Or the disease?

Played for real, this is intelligent stuff that taps into primal fears, specifically those of a parent: it's a dreadful, corrupting force that has but one purpose - to destroy that which you love.
The cast, though A-list - Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laurence Fishburne et al - are treated just like regular folk so that at no point does anyone feel 'safe.' Indeed, the movie begins with nought but tragedy bestowed upon one of our usual heroes, as first Damon's wife, then his son succumb to the illness and, given that his wife is none other than Gwyneth Paltrow, from that point on bets are off as to who will survive to the end.
When a movie is ballsy enough to kill off an A-lister in the first five minutes, who fucking knows what they will do next?
The realism adds an edge to things but, truthfully, by the end, it is also something of a flaw as, in order to instill the hyper-realism, Soderbergh resists the urge to blow his load at any point. Noble, but it means at times the movie lacks too much of a punch.
All that being said, the theatre was pretty packed when I watched this and, perhaps it was all in my mind, but there did seem to be a palpable sense of horror as our own physical vulnerabilities were laid bare, which is no bad thing.
One last thing: this is a zombie movie, really, and anyone that thinks otherwise deserves a vicious beating around the scalp.

Liked this.

4 out of 5

The Lovely Bones (2009) Dir: Peter Jackson

One third of a good movie, here, no more.

The plot:
It's 1973, and 14 year old Susie Salmon, on her way back from the mall, is tricked by local paedophilic murderer, George Harvey, into venturing into his underground lair, specially constructed for his evil aims.
Once there, she has little hope of escape and we, as viewers, are then compelled to watch on as she gazes down from heaven at her family torn apart by grief.

And sweet stroking Christ, we suffer along with them.
Based on a highly acclaimed novel, I think this is one of those things that works well on paper, but less so on screen.
The depiction of heaven is a multi-coloured, special effects riven orgy of puke-inducing loveliness, as patterns swirl and shimmy across screen, stars blossom in the night sky and Suzie strolls through lush meadows festooned with daffodils.
Think of the most evil thing you can.
Now think of the exact opposite.
It's like that.
And, fuck me, it's long, too, clocking in near the two hour fifteen mark which, frankly, was about an hour and a quarter too much.
The third that is compelling involves the perverted Mr. Harvey, and his attempts to evade justice but, that aside, this is painful to endure.
Big fan of Jackson down here at Smell the Cult HQ, this is the first time he has truly disappointed.
Nauseating.

2 out of 5

The Hills Have Eyes II (2007) Dir: Martin Weisz

Sequel to the surprise 2006 horror remake hit.

The plot:
A group of trainee National Guard soldiers are sent on a mission to collect some equipment from an area known as Section 16, a secret military location positioned somewhere in New Mexico.
Upon arrival, they find the camp deserted and, yep, it's not too long before the mine-dwelling mutants pop up once more to start picking them off one by one

It's a tried and tested formula, and is handled efficiently enough.
The mutant design is pretty decent, albeit vaguely reminiscent of that weird looking thing from The Goonies, and there's plenty of gore for the sick minded amongst you.
Nothing special, though, but it passes ninety minutes well enough.

3 out of 5

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007) Dir: Joe Lynch

Straight to video for this sick horror sequel.

The plot:
A reality TV show called Apocalypse is under way, filming taking place in an American forest, where six buff and attractive twenty somethings must do all they can to survive. What they don't know, though, is that alongside the tricks and traps from the production team, they will also have to do battle against a family of inbred cannibals, who stalk the woods, looking for fresh meat.

So, it's Charlie Brooker's Dead Set, effectively, only instead of Big Brother we get Survivor, and instead of zombies it's mutant hillbillies.
The second redneck movie we've watched today down here at Smell the Cult HQ, following The Hills Have Eyes II earlier and, have to say, this was the superior, despite a cast of unknowns and obviously lower budget.
One of the goriest films I've seen in a while, this really chucks it all at the screen during the last fifteen minutes, and that's very welcome, as too many modern horror movies don't have the courage of their convictions.
For cinephiles, there are some nice knowing references, too: The Battle Royale T-shirt, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre meal sequence, and others that I missed, I suspect, so keep 'em peeled.
With the franchise now up to part 4, I'm pretty sure it will be downhill from here but, blood-fiends, you could do much worse than this cult offering.
Liked it.

4 out of 5

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) Dir: Joseph Sargent

Widely regarded as the worst movie ever made - it's not. That honour falls to Tranformers 1, 2 or 3 - this is still certainly a duff old clunker.

The plot:
Ellen Brody, erstwhile wife of hero Chief Brody from movies one and two, is still living on Amity Island.
Her son, now all grown up, seems to have replaced Chief Brody as the go to guy for all things marine related, and is called out one night to clear some driftwood from a buoy. Reaching down into the murky depths, wouldn't you know it, a Great White attacks, ripping his arm clean off at first before returning to finish the job.
Ellen, of course, is devastated and, along with her only surviving son, heads off to The Bahamas!
That's right.
Living in the grip of a constant fear of the ocean and of sharks, she heads to a tropical island surrounded by fucking water and, once there, immediately starts swimming.
I'm not making this up.
Well, this being a shark movie an' all, seems the shark somehow senses she has moved from Amity and, yep, it follows her to The Bahamas where it's quest for vengeance can resume as, believe it or not, the shark somehow knows she was married to Chief Brody and he was responsible for this current shark's mother's death!!!
Seriously.

I really like shit movies as a rule, not least because they are generally nowhere near as bad as people think they are.
See, you have to take into account budget and talent and time taken before deciding how truly awful something is. That's why the Tranformers movies are so monumentally awful, because of the vast amount of money taken to produce something so cripplingly dreadful.
You know, think about Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, if you would. It's a rubbish film, but it probably cost the same amount to make as was spent on shoelaces in the Transformers movies, so to compare the two is unfair.
Here, though of a moderate budget, it's hard to excuse the flaws, the primary one being an overdose on the saccharine. Honestly, the family are so fucking perfect it makes you want to puke, and there's even a 'cute' little girl thrown in who, frankly, I just wanted them to feed to the gulls whilst still alive.
See if she's so chipper then.
With a plot as ridiculous as this, there's no point taking it seriously, so for those claiming it the worst mover ever made, think again.
It's bad, but it's no SS Hell Camp.

2 out of 5

Straw Dogs (1971) Dir: Sam Peckinpah

Sam Peckinpah's gritty rural thriller is insular, frightening stuff.

The plot:
An American mathematician, David Sumner (Hoffman) moves into a small village in rural England. There, the locals seem to take an interest, particularly in his beautiful wife Amy, played by Susan George.
Working on the Sumner's farm building, the men seem far too keen, and spy on her at every opportunity. Becoming increasingly frustrated, Amy accuses her husband of being a coward for not confronting the men, and tells him they wouldn't be having the trouble at all if he weren't so useless when it comes to matters practical.
One night, when a young girl goes missing from the local pub, the Sumner's inadvertently run over a man who may have been involved in the young girl's disappearance.
So begins a night of fear and tension than will escalate into brutal, cold-blooded murder.

It's an unusual film, that's for sure, starting out as a character piece, with themes of isolation and claustrophobia before a big, all action blow-out for the last fifteen minutes or so.
Dustin Hoffman is a magnetic presence on screen, perfectly capturing the role of neutered male confronted by burly, muscular sorts, not quite knowing how to communicate with them.
Famously banned in the UK due to a rather disturbing rape in which Amy's character initially struggles, but then gradually seems to come around to the idea, this was only released unedited in 2002.
Powerful and effective, if overly long in the build-up, this is certainly one to add to your list, cinephiles.

4 out of 5

Paranomal Activity 3

So, October comes and, like dark and dingy evenings, gusts of wind and fine drizzle, so too arrives the new Paranormal Activity movie.
Part 3 this year and, after the heights of 1 and 2, it's really got a lot to live up to.

The plot:
It's 2005, and Katie from part 1 delivers a box of old VHS tapes to her sister Kristi, from part 2.
You following?
On the tapes, we as viewers witness the events in 1988 that introduced the demonic menace to the lives of the then two young girls.
Things go bump in the night, doors open and close by themselves and, occasionally, pieces of furniture are flung around the house.
That's it.
For 86 minutes.

Continuing the stripped down, ultra realistic style of the first two, this time the focus shifts to the children in the house and, crucially, this is an origins story, as the pieces are put into place that reveal how the malevolent force came to be. With the occasional moment of genuine terror, there is slight shift in tone, too, as humour is used for the first time, though dark humour at that.
Perhaps not quite as gripping as 1 and 2, still the people in the cinema seemed to be having a good time, with some even screaming out loud at some of the more jumpy moments.
Decent stuff, then, but a part 4 might be pushing things too far.

4 out of 5