The makers here claim this to be the last installment but, given the packed house I watched this in at 4 in the afternoon, my suspicious mind is already foreseeing an 8th outing for the deadly trap franchise.
So, what makes this different from the six movies that went before?
Well, pretty much nothing.
Same type of setup: a man is forced to face his own failings, to prove his desire for a worthwhile life through a series of dastardly and sadistic traps that, inevitably, involve some of those closest to him.
So, much of a muchness then, which was to be expected - any franchise that gets to part 7 is bound to be running out of steam - but with Saw VII comes a new gimmick: Real 3D, leading to one of the best taglines I've heard in quite a while:
"This October, the traps come alive."
But did the 3D deliver the goods?
As ever, due to my dodgy eyes it is difficult for me to judge it entirely accurately but, from what I could pick out, it was certainly not as effective as, say, Piranha earlier this summer, and James Cameron won't be losing any sleep over it. Let's face it, once you've seen one length of entrail spinning towards the screen at high speed, you've seen them all.
The makers have been considerate enough to throw in plenty of stuff for long term fans, with some nice references, some all the way back to movie number 1, and with a plot construction that leads to a reasonable conclusion, though not an especially satisfying one, here's hoping they stick to their word and leave this one well alone from now on as, frankly, the only way is downwards from here.
Average, then, but no worse than that.
3 out of 5
Sunday 31 October 2010
Thursday 28 October 2010
Red (2010) Dir: Robert Schwentke
Hmmmm,, very disappointing, this one.
I must confess, I have a bit of a man crush on Bruce Willis. Whenever he dons that tight white vest or T-shirt, something stirs within me and I find myself entertaining thoughts of cuddling up against that massive chest, my arm draped over him as he strokes my hair and we sit together and watch the original Die Hard, the whole time me telling him just how gorgeous he still looks.
Erm....erm....anyway, I do like girls.
I do....honest....just not as much as Bruce.
Red: Retired and Extremely Dangerous is an action comedy that pretty much fails to deliver on both counts.
The plot: Bruce is a retired CIA agent who, back in the day, was involved in an operation in Guatemala and, for reasons that become apparent as the movie lurches along, though now retired, this still puts him in jeopardy. Along for the ride are his old team, including Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich and a young woman who he only met previously by phone.
The old team assembled, they must defeat the evil-doers and get back to their quiet lives of retirement.
And it is pretty damn dreadful.
The issue here, folks, is all about tone. It goes for blackly comic and just comes off as 'wacky,' a word that, for any right minded individual, should fill their bowels with dread.
Malkovich is at his 'zany' worst, a sub Chris Lloyd imbecile, whilst Bruce simply seems uncomfortable. Indeed, the only real saving grace here is Mirren, who comes across as a dark and dangerous femme fatale who, at the age of 60+ is still damn sexy when she wields a massive machine gun.
Overwrought, overblown and with only two moments of actual class - the car spinning out of control as Bruce casually walks from it, and the appearance of Mirren's massive gun - this is a genuine misfire that disappointed me so much I demanded a refund at the box office - they told me to clear off, incidentally.
Regretfully,
Extremely
Disappointing.
2 out of 5
I must confess, I have a bit of a man crush on Bruce Willis. Whenever he dons that tight white vest or T-shirt, something stirs within me and I find myself entertaining thoughts of cuddling up against that massive chest, my arm draped over him as he strokes my hair and we sit together and watch the original Die Hard, the whole time me telling him just how gorgeous he still looks.
Erm....erm....anyway, I do like girls.
I do....honest....just not as much as Bruce.
Red: Retired and Extremely Dangerous is an action comedy that pretty much fails to deliver on both counts.
The plot: Bruce is a retired CIA agent who, back in the day, was involved in an operation in Guatemala and, for reasons that become apparent as the movie lurches along, though now retired, this still puts him in jeopardy. Along for the ride are his old team, including Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich and a young woman who he only met previously by phone.
The old team assembled, they must defeat the evil-doers and get back to their quiet lives of retirement.
And it is pretty damn dreadful.
The issue here, folks, is all about tone. It goes for blackly comic and just comes off as 'wacky,' a word that, for any right minded individual, should fill their bowels with dread.
Malkovich is at his 'zany' worst, a sub Chris Lloyd imbecile, whilst Bruce simply seems uncomfortable. Indeed, the only real saving grace here is Mirren, who comes across as a dark and dangerous femme fatale who, at the age of 60+ is still damn sexy when she wields a massive machine gun.
Overwrought, overblown and with only two moments of actual class - the car spinning out of control as Bruce casually walks from it, and the appearance of Mirren's massive gun - this is a genuine misfire that disappointed me so much I demanded a refund at the box office - they told me to clear off, incidentally.
Regretfully,
Extremely
Disappointing.
2 out of 5
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Saw III (2006) Dir: Darren Lynn Bousman
There is an argument to suggest that this should have been the last of the Saw movies but, inevitably, when a franchise is making such a killing at the box office, for relatively little outlay ($10 million is the figure quoted on IMDB) then the studio responsible will be keen to continue to maximise their profits.
Not than I'm cynical about the Saw franchise, mind.
Not a bit of it.
But, enough of the griping, let's talk about the movie, because it is very enjoyable fare, indeed.
Jigsaw is close to death, Amanda struggling to keep his bodily functions active, so they devise a plan. Get in a doctor to keep him alive, but booby trap her so that, should his heart stop, the collar strapped to her body will detonate, killing her instantly. See, Jigsaw wants to see out his last game, the subject playing the game known only as Jeff, a man whose son was killed several years ago by a reckless driver. Riddled with anguish and haunted by thoughts of vengeance, Jigsaw intends to give him the opportunity to either exact his vengeance, or to reach inside himself and learn about forgiveness.
Inevitably, as Jigsaw's dastardly scheme is revealed it is far more complex than at first it appears.
Keeping up the level of inventiveness of the first two, this one actually ups the ante in terms of sickness - the liquified pig drowning section is quite simply the most nauseating thing I have ever seen - as well as ensuring that the viewer is pretty clueless as to the endgame until the closing couple of minutes.
Saw is a franchise that divides opinion, where debates rage about the morality of such films, lazy labelling with the term 'torture porn' and accusations that they are derivative drivel and, frankly, there is some justification for all of those things but, call me ignortant if you must, I bloody love them.
Part 7 is due out imminently, apparently The Final Chapter.
We'll see.
4 out of 5
Not than I'm cynical about the Saw franchise, mind.
Not a bit of it.
But, enough of the griping, let's talk about the movie, because it is very enjoyable fare, indeed.
Jigsaw is close to death, Amanda struggling to keep his bodily functions active, so they devise a plan. Get in a doctor to keep him alive, but booby trap her so that, should his heart stop, the collar strapped to her body will detonate, killing her instantly. See, Jigsaw wants to see out his last game, the subject playing the game known only as Jeff, a man whose son was killed several years ago by a reckless driver. Riddled with anguish and haunted by thoughts of vengeance, Jigsaw intends to give him the opportunity to either exact his vengeance, or to reach inside himself and learn about forgiveness.
Inevitably, as Jigsaw's dastardly scheme is revealed it is far more complex than at first it appears.
Keeping up the level of inventiveness of the first two, this one actually ups the ante in terms of sickness - the liquified pig drowning section is quite simply the most nauseating thing I have ever seen - as well as ensuring that the viewer is pretty clueless as to the endgame until the closing couple of minutes.
Saw is a franchise that divides opinion, where debates rage about the morality of such films, lazy labelling with the term 'torture porn' and accusations that they are derivative drivel and, frankly, there is some justification for all of those things but, call me ignortant if you must, I bloody love them.
Part 7 is due out imminently, apparently The Final Chapter.
We'll see.
4 out of 5
Sunday 24 October 2010
The Day the Earth Stopped (2008) Dir: C. Thomas Howell
Ahh, The Asylum.
Ahh, C. Thomas Howell, you've just got to love 'em.
The mockbuster is alive and well and in competent hands as, here, Howell dishes up a nonsensical, ramshackle tale of sub-par Star Trek alien invasion that will entertain as much as it confounds.
The plot: A male and female alien, apparently sent from one of the enormous robotic devices that have landed in all of the Earth's major cities, are captured by square jawed military sorts, and beaten up for a bit.
One of the soldiers - writer / director Howell - takes exception to this, particularly the mistreatment of the big-titted female, and decides to go renegade, saving her from the ordeal. As she gradually begins to trust him, she reveals the true purpose of the alien visitation: to provide mankind one opportunity to prove their worthiness, else face annihilation.
Heh, this is an Asylum film, so we expect dreadful effects and piss poor acting and, for the most part, they are present and correct. What we do not expect is a score that is actually energising, nor a directorial performance that must rank as Howell's all time career high.
You know, at times, I actually found myself enjoying this, actually found myself drawn into the story and, clearly, this really pissed me off. This is an Asylum movie: It's meant to be shit.
That being said, this could all be explained away by my peculiarites as the person I was watching it with described it as 'an assault on their humanity.'
Fair point, I guess, and something The Asylum may wish to put on any promotional material they produce from this point forward.
Massively cheap, massively derivative, but certainly not as bad as it should be, I suspect I would prefer this to the Keanu Reeves mega-movie this cashed in on.
Ahh, C. Thomas Howell, you've just got to love 'em.
The mockbuster is alive and well and in competent hands as, here, Howell dishes up a nonsensical, ramshackle tale of sub-par Star Trek alien invasion that will entertain as much as it confounds.
The plot: A male and female alien, apparently sent from one of the enormous robotic devices that have landed in all of the Earth's major cities, are captured by square jawed military sorts, and beaten up for a bit.
One of the soldiers - writer / director Howell - takes exception to this, particularly the mistreatment of the big-titted female, and decides to go renegade, saving her from the ordeal. As she gradually begins to trust him, she reveals the true purpose of the alien visitation: to provide mankind one opportunity to prove their worthiness, else face annihilation.
Heh, this is an Asylum film, so we expect dreadful effects and piss poor acting and, for the most part, they are present and correct. What we do not expect is a score that is actually energising, nor a directorial performance that must rank as Howell's all time career high.
You know, at times, I actually found myself enjoying this, actually found myself drawn into the story and, clearly, this really pissed me off. This is an Asylum movie: It's meant to be shit.
That being said, this could all be explained away by my peculiarites as the person I was watching it with described it as 'an assault on their humanity.'
Fair point, I guess, and something The Asylum may wish to put on any promotional material they produce from this point forward.
Massively cheap, massively derivative, but certainly not as bad as it should be, I suspect I would prefer this to the Keanu Reeves mega-movie this cashed in on.
Hush (2009) Dir: Mark Tonderai
What can you make for £1,000,000 these days, eh?
That's barely enough to cover Angelina Jolie's nail varnish requirements in most movies but, in Hush, a taut, nervy British horror-thriller, the budget is used to maximum effect.
See, I don’t watch many British films. I tend to find them deathly dull; Social drama's about how grim life is 'Up North,' or emotional, human interest pieces about alcoholism and domestic abuse.
Not my cup of tea, certainly.
So it was with some caution I hit play on this movie, and was somewhat unprepared for what I was about to watch.
The plot: A couple on the verge of breaking up are in the middle of a long car journey, driving around Britain's motorways so that the man, Zakes Abbot, can perform his job of switching advertisement posters. As two lanes merge into one, they almost hit a lorry in front of them and, as the larger vehicle takes avoiding action, it's rear door swings open, and Zakes is convinced he's seen a naked woman inside, caged up. Caught in a dilemma about what to do, they try to get the police involved. The strain on the already fragile relationship is too much, as Beth thinks he cares more about the posters than about the alleged kidnapped woman, and tells him she is leaving him. Then Beth herself disappears, and Zakes must take extraordinary measures to try to find her.
Punchy, massively tense, this borrows liberally from various US sources; Duel is an obvious reference, but so too is Breakdown. 24 could even be cited for the giddying camera-work and almost real-time nature of the events unfolding. Then throw in a dash of Hostel, and you're nearly ready.
With a small cast, and a small sequence of locations, the director drains every last penny from his million pounds and crafts a highly enjoyable, edge of the seat movie that punches well above it's weight.
Very good indeed.
4 out of 5
That's barely enough to cover Angelina Jolie's nail varnish requirements in most movies but, in Hush, a taut, nervy British horror-thriller, the budget is used to maximum effect.
See, I don’t watch many British films. I tend to find them deathly dull; Social drama's about how grim life is 'Up North,' or emotional, human interest pieces about alcoholism and domestic abuse.
Not my cup of tea, certainly.
So it was with some caution I hit play on this movie, and was somewhat unprepared for what I was about to watch.
The plot: A couple on the verge of breaking up are in the middle of a long car journey, driving around Britain's motorways so that the man, Zakes Abbot, can perform his job of switching advertisement posters. As two lanes merge into one, they almost hit a lorry in front of them and, as the larger vehicle takes avoiding action, it's rear door swings open, and Zakes is convinced he's seen a naked woman inside, caged up. Caught in a dilemma about what to do, they try to get the police involved. The strain on the already fragile relationship is too much, as Beth thinks he cares more about the posters than about the alleged kidnapped woman, and tells him she is leaving him. Then Beth herself disappears, and Zakes must take extraordinary measures to try to find her.
Punchy, massively tense, this borrows liberally from various US sources; Duel is an obvious reference, but so too is Breakdown. 24 could even be cited for the giddying camera-work and almost real-time nature of the events unfolding. Then throw in a dash of Hostel, and you're nearly ready.
With a small cast, and a small sequence of locations, the director drains every last penny from his million pounds and crafts a highly enjoyable, edge of the seat movie that punches well above it's weight.
Very good indeed.
4 out of 5
Saturday 23 October 2010
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) Dir: Tod Williams
You know, I've seen so many horror movies I could not even begin to muster a guess at the grand total. In the thousands, I should imagine, it's got to be and, in all this time, I can honestly say that perhaps three, maybe four have genuinely scared me.
The Exorcist had me aquiverin', Candyman put the willies up me, as it were, and then....and then.....I'm already struggling to think of another
Until today.
Paranormal Activity 2, I reluctantly admit, scared the bejaysus out of me.
Whilst we are in confession mode, I must admit to not having seen the original, so have no frame of reference but, if this sequel is anything to go by, that must have been one seriously good horror movie, assuming the law of deminishing returns applies here as it does with most franchises.
The plot: A wealthy couple with a teenage daughter and a young baby move into a new house, along with their nanny. The nanny tells them that there are sinister spirits in the house, but is promptly sacked by the father when she attempts to exorcise them with some mysterious vapours. He doesn't hold with that sort of nonsense. Quickly, however, he changes his tune as, in a gradual, nerve-shredding escalation, disturbing events transpire in the home, primarily at night.
And it is heart stopping stuff.
The direction is twitchy, almost spastic, and this draws you right in to the action. Liberal application of PoV shots adds to the realism but, as is often the way, it's what you don't see that really spooks you.
Fundamentally, of course, this is not much more than a retread of Amityville, but it it is all handled so expertly that that is quickly forgiven, as blood freezing horror after blood freezing horror is presented.
I was gripping the cinema seat armrest so hard it would not have surprised me at all had the bloody thing ripped right off.
Genuinely frightening, utterly disturbing, this is a masterclass in terror.
Superb.
5 out of 5
The Exorcist had me aquiverin', Candyman put the willies up me, as it were, and then....and then.....I'm already struggling to think of another
Until today.
Paranormal Activity 2, I reluctantly admit, scared the bejaysus out of me.
Whilst we are in confession mode, I must admit to not having seen the original, so have no frame of reference but, if this sequel is anything to go by, that must have been one seriously good horror movie, assuming the law of deminishing returns applies here as it does with most franchises.
The plot: A wealthy couple with a teenage daughter and a young baby move into a new house, along with their nanny. The nanny tells them that there are sinister spirits in the house, but is promptly sacked by the father when she attempts to exorcise them with some mysterious vapours. He doesn't hold with that sort of nonsense. Quickly, however, he changes his tune as, in a gradual, nerve-shredding escalation, disturbing events transpire in the home, primarily at night.
And it is heart stopping stuff.
The direction is twitchy, almost spastic, and this draws you right in to the action. Liberal application of PoV shots adds to the realism but, as is often the way, it's what you don't see that really spooks you.
Fundamentally, of course, this is not much more than a retread of Amityville, but it it is all handled so expertly that that is quickly forgiven, as blood freezing horror after blood freezing horror is presented.
I was gripping the cinema seat armrest so hard it would not have surprised me at all had the bloody thing ripped right off.
Genuinely frightening, utterly disturbing, this is a masterclass in terror.
Superb.
5 out of 5
Thursday 21 October 2010
Jurassic Park III (2001) Dir: Joe Johnston
I am loathe to admit it, but the first Jurassic Park movie is something of a guilty pleasure, a film that I have seen more times than is healthy and can quote virtually line for line as it is playing.
It has a certain character that I find captivating; Spielberg's almost childlike enthusiasm for the subject matter seeps through every frame, his goggle-eyed fascination with the dinosaurs apparent from the first moment they are introduced in a sequence that has the hairs on the back of the neck standing to attention.
So, it was with some reluctance that I sat down to watch the 3rd installment, part 2 having been such a damp squib.
The plot: Dr. Alan 'Sam Neill' Grant is back, this time convinced by a wealthy couple to act as guide in a fly-past of dino-island number 2, Isla Soma.
Inevitably, all is not as it seems.
The pair in question have lost a child on the island - how careless - and have recruited Grant to act not as a guide from the air as he believes, but from the ground, as they seek their missing spawn.
As you can probably imagine, he is more than a little miffed.
So the scene is set for a romp across the island, with nerry an opportunity wasted for some full on 'saurus action.
And, in many ways, this is where the movie fails.
In Spielberg's original, he set things up nicely, paced the damn thing to add, you know, tension and drama. Here, the very second the 'plane lands, they are set upon by something altogether massive and escape by the skin of their teeth before in the next scene something else attacks them then some smaller things join in en masse our heroes fleeing for their lives before being ambushed by velociraptors working as a team showing uncanny intelligence and when they escape them something else ghastly wants to strip their flesh before another set of carnivorous beastlies chases them and....and....and Sweet Suffering Jaysus I was so exhausted with the none stop, frenetic nature of the narrative that I genuinely ceased to care.
All out action is fine, but you still need dynamics, you still need something to latch onto in terms of emotional attachment.
Sam Neill is watchable enough reprising his role, though he does seem a touch bored, as does William H. Macy, who was probably wondering what on Earth he was doing in the film in the first place. Tea Leoni tries her best, bless her, but, let's be honest, she's a pretty useléss actréss.
All action, all adrenaline, none stop carnage that, ultimately, wasn't as interesting as that description suggests.
It has a certain character that I find captivating; Spielberg's almost childlike enthusiasm for the subject matter seeps through every frame, his goggle-eyed fascination with the dinosaurs apparent from the first moment they are introduced in a sequence that has the hairs on the back of the neck standing to attention.
So, it was with some reluctance that I sat down to watch the 3rd installment, part 2 having been such a damp squib.
The plot: Dr. Alan 'Sam Neill' Grant is back, this time convinced by a wealthy couple to act as guide in a fly-past of dino-island number 2, Isla Soma.
Inevitably, all is not as it seems.
The pair in question have lost a child on the island - how careless - and have recruited Grant to act not as a guide from the air as he believes, but from the ground, as they seek their missing spawn.
As you can probably imagine, he is more than a little miffed.
So the scene is set for a romp across the island, with nerry an opportunity wasted for some full on 'saurus action.
And, in many ways, this is where the movie fails.
In Spielberg's original, he set things up nicely, paced the damn thing to add, you know, tension and drama. Here, the very second the 'plane lands, they are set upon by something altogether massive and escape by the skin of their teeth before in the next scene something else attacks them then some smaller things join in en masse our heroes fleeing for their lives before being ambushed by velociraptors working as a team showing uncanny intelligence and when they escape them something else ghastly wants to strip their flesh before another set of carnivorous beastlies chases them and....and....and Sweet Suffering Jaysus I was so exhausted with the none stop, frenetic nature of the narrative that I genuinely ceased to care.
All out action is fine, but you still need dynamics, you still need something to latch onto in terms of emotional attachment.
Sam Neill is watchable enough reprising his role, though he does seem a touch bored, as does William H. Macy, who was probably wondering what on Earth he was doing in the film in the first place. Tea Leoni tries her best, bless her, but, let's be honest, she's a pretty useléss actréss.
All action, all adrenaline, none stop carnage that, ultimately, wasn't as interesting as that description suggests.
Saturday 9 October 2010
Buried (2010) Dir: Rodrigo Cortés
High concept thriller cum horror that is as tense as a 'banjo string' when Jenna Haze is on screen.
The plot: Ryan Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, a truck driver on contract in Iraq to ferry around supplies. We join Paul as he awakens, in perfect darkness, gasping, struggling in the pitchy gloom, managing to ignite a lighter, only to discover he is in a wooden coffin, apparently underground. With no clear idea of how he got there - his last memory is of his convoy being attacked by what he believed to be insurgents - and only his Zippo, a mobile phone with a dwindling battery and an ever decreasing supply of oxygen, can Paul figure a way out of his predicament?
It's a brave move, this, setting an entire, full length feature in just one location: a small box, six feet beneath terra firma. As the movie kicks in, you can't help but wonder how the director and writer are going to sustain the premise for a full hour and half, but manage it they do, which stands as testament to the quality of both.
Mention must also be made of Reynolds, a man called upon to give pretty much a solo performance for the entire run time.
Sure, he gets to interact with disembodied voices on the other end of the phone but, essentially, this is a one man show, and he pulls it off with some style.
Interestingly, in the screening I saw, I overheard one fellow viewer claim "There's no plot," which, for my part at least, was spectacularly missing the point. There was lots of plot, lots of stuff happening, but the way it was framed we, as the audience, got to see none of it as we were seeing everything from the point of view of one man.
Ambitious, incredibly fraught and with a viciousness at its heart that just about tips it into horror territory (as opposed to thriller, the area the similarly high concept, single setting Phone Booth occupies) this gets two very firm thumbs jabbed right up there from Smell the Cult HQ.
4 out of 5
The plot: Ryan Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, a truck driver on contract in Iraq to ferry around supplies. We join Paul as he awakens, in perfect darkness, gasping, struggling in the pitchy gloom, managing to ignite a lighter, only to discover he is in a wooden coffin, apparently underground. With no clear idea of how he got there - his last memory is of his convoy being attacked by what he believed to be insurgents - and only his Zippo, a mobile phone with a dwindling battery and an ever decreasing supply of oxygen, can Paul figure a way out of his predicament?
It's a brave move, this, setting an entire, full length feature in just one location: a small box, six feet beneath terra firma. As the movie kicks in, you can't help but wonder how the director and writer are going to sustain the premise for a full hour and half, but manage it they do, which stands as testament to the quality of both.
Mention must also be made of Reynolds, a man called upon to give pretty much a solo performance for the entire run time.
Sure, he gets to interact with disembodied voices on the other end of the phone but, essentially, this is a one man show, and he pulls it off with some style.
Interestingly, in the screening I saw, I overheard one fellow viewer claim "There's no plot," which, for my part at least, was spectacularly missing the point. There was lots of plot, lots of stuff happening, but the way it was framed we, as the audience, got to see none of it as we were seeing everything from the point of view of one man.
Ambitious, incredibly fraught and with a viciousness at its heart that just about tips it into horror territory (as opposed to thriller, the area the similarly high concept, single setting Phone Booth occupies) this gets two very firm thumbs jabbed right up there from Smell the Cult HQ.
4 out of 5
Tuesday 5 October 2010
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) Dir: Jonathan Liebesman
Harsh light.
People shouting.
Tobacco spat.
Nasty Sheriff.
Empty headed.
Leatherface. Blood flows.
Teen deaths.
Michael Bay.
Exec. Produced.
Soul destroying.
Modern horror.
Sado-slant.
Cash cow.
Artistic vacuum.
Provoked nausea.
Wrong reasons.
Screaming boys.
Screaming girls.
Screaming Mo.
Bad film.
Eyes blink.
Head hurts.
End this.
Sorrowed heart.
Tears flow.
Film ends.
Mo sighs.
Hangs head.
Death prayer.
Lights out.
1 out of 5
People shouting.
Tobacco spat.
Nasty Sheriff.
Empty headed.
Leatherface. Blood flows.
Teen deaths.
Michael Bay.
Exec. Produced.
Soul destroying.
Modern horror.
Sado-slant.
Cash cow.
Artistic vacuum.
Provoked nausea.
Wrong reasons.
Screaming boys.
Screaming girls.
Screaming Mo.
Bad film.
Eyes blink.
Head hurts.
End this.
Sorrowed heart.
Tears flow.
Film ends.
Mo sighs.
Hangs head.
Death prayer.
Lights out.
1 out of 5
Sunday 3 October 2010
The Hole (2009) Dir: Joe Dante
I like Joe Dante.
I tend to like his movies.
I definitely like his ethos, his cinematic knowledge and, with his latest offering, I like the fact he has chosen to scare the living piss out of very young children.
The plot: A single mother and her two sons are forced to move house yet again, the family apparently fleeing from something, though what is not made clear, at least not at first.
Brothers Nathan and Dane have a troubled relationship, the younger Nathan annoyed by his older brother's reluctance to play with him. They argue and bicker continually, right up until the moment they discover a sinister hole in the basement of their new house, hidden beneath a trapdoor locked with multiple padlocks. Once open, it becomes clear that this is no ordinary hole; it appears to be bottomless and, when no-one is looking, things crawl from its depths.
Dante is something of a horror aficionado, and here he delivers a proper horror movie, albeit toned down to allow for a 'family friendly' rating, but that doesn't stop it being creepy as hell:
The little girl, twitching as she walks, blood running from her eyes; the brute of a man, face in constant shadow, whose boots leave muddy impressions wherever he treads; the hole itself, ensconced in a proper horror movie basement.
Being a Dante movie, there are several nods to other genre films. I spotted Poltergeist (the car), The Wicker Man (an audio reference when The Man whistles), Ringu (the twitchy girl), Saw (the clown thing), House By the Cemetery (something is in the basement) and Funhouse (the fair ground) as well as more than a little classic era Doctor Who (I'm thinking The Mind Robber and The Celestial Toymaker, kids).
Accomplished, intelligent and provocative, if only for the fact the rating it got was probably a little on the lenient side, this is a real hark back to some proper, old fashioned horror movie making and, I have to say, I enjoyed it quite a lot.
4 out of 5
I tend to like his movies.
I definitely like his ethos, his cinematic knowledge and, with his latest offering, I like the fact he has chosen to scare the living piss out of very young children.
The plot: A single mother and her two sons are forced to move house yet again, the family apparently fleeing from something, though what is not made clear, at least not at first.
Brothers Nathan and Dane have a troubled relationship, the younger Nathan annoyed by his older brother's reluctance to play with him. They argue and bicker continually, right up until the moment they discover a sinister hole in the basement of their new house, hidden beneath a trapdoor locked with multiple padlocks. Once open, it becomes clear that this is no ordinary hole; it appears to be bottomless and, when no-one is looking, things crawl from its depths.
Dante is something of a horror aficionado, and here he delivers a proper horror movie, albeit toned down to allow for a 'family friendly' rating, but that doesn't stop it being creepy as hell:
The little girl, twitching as she walks, blood running from her eyes; the brute of a man, face in constant shadow, whose boots leave muddy impressions wherever he treads; the hole itself, ensconced in a proper horror movie basement.
Being a Dante movie, there are several nods to other genre films. I spotted Poltergeist (the car), The Wicker Man (an audio reference when The Man whistles), Ringu (the twitchy girl), Saw (the clown thing), House By the Cemetery (something is in the basement) and Funhouse (the fair ground) as well as more than a little classic era Doctor Who (I'm thinking The Mind Robber and The Celestial Toymaker, kids).
Accomplished, intelligent and provocative, if only for the fact the rating it got was probably a little on the lenient side, this is a real hark back to some proper, old fashioned horror movie making and, I have to say, I enjoyed it quite a lot.
4 out of 5
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