Contagion (2011) Dir: Steven Soderbergh

Ever worried about the number of times you touch your face each day?
No?
You might after this.

The plot:
A previously unknown virus manifests, clustering in various spots around the world: Hong Kong, London, Chicago, with no apparent link.
A team of scientists, foremost amongst them Dr. Erin Mears (Kate Winslet) are tasked with determining the cause and, crucially, the potential ramifications of a true epidemic. Slowly, as science loses the battle against a microscopic foe, the question becomes not how many will die, but how many will survive?
Countering the official position, some decide that the world governments are in collusion and that a cure already exists, and spread the word via the Internet, online bloggers with a voice far louder than that any minister could ever hope to garner.
So who will win?
The authorities?
The bloggers?
Or the disease?

Played for real, this is intelligent stuff that taps into primal fears, specifically those of a parent: it's a dreadful, corrupting force that has but one purpose - to destroy that which you love.
The cast, though A-list - Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laurence Fishburne et al - are treated just like regular folk so that at no point does anyone feel 'safe.' Indeed, the movie begins with nought but tragedy bestowed upon one of our usual heroes, as first Damon's wife, then his son succumb to the illness and, given that his wife is none other than Gwyneth Paltrow, from that point on bets are off as to who will survive to the end.
When a movie is ballsy enough to kill off an A-lister in the first five minutes, who fucking knows what they will do next?
The realism adds an edge to things but, truthfully, by the end, it is also something of a flaw as, in order to instill the hyper-realism, Soderbergh resists the urge to blow his load at any point. Noble, but it means at times the movie lacks too much of a punch.
All that being said, the theatre was pretty packed when I watched this and, perhaps it was all in my mind, but there did seem to be a palpable sense of horror as our own physical vulnerabilities were laid bare, which is no bad thing.
One last thing: this is a zombie movie, really, and anyone that thinks otherwise deserves a vicious beating around the scalp.

Liked this.

4 out of 5

The Lovely Bones (2009) Dir: Peter Jackson

One third of a good movie, here, no more.

The plot:
It's 1973, and 14 year old Susie Salmon, on her way back from the mall, is tricked by local paedophilic murderer, George Harvey, into venturing into his underground lair, specially constructed for his evil aims.
Once there, she has little hope of escape and we, as viewers, are then compelled to watch on as she gazes down from heaven at her family torn apart by grief.

And sweet stroking Christ, we suffer along with them.
Based on a highly acclaimed novel, I think this is one of those things that works well on paper, but less so on screen.
The depiction of heaven is a multi-coloured, special effects riven orgy of puke-inducing loveliness, as patterns swirl and shimmy across screen, stars blossom in the night sky and Suzie strolls through lush meadows festooned with daffodils.
Think of the most evil thing you can.
Now think of the exact opposite.
It's like that.
And, fuck me, it's long, too, clocking in near the two hour fifteen mark which, frankly, was about an hour and a quarter too much.
The third that is compelling involves the perverted Mr. Harvey, and his attempts to evade justice but, that aside, this is painful to endure.
Big fan of Jackson down here at Smell the Cult HQ, this is the first time he has truly disappointed.
Nauseating.

2 out of 5

The Hills Have Eyes II (2007) Dir: Martin Weisz

Sequel to the surprise 2006 horror remake hit.

The plot:
A group of trainee National Guard soldiers are sent on a mission to collect some equipment from an area known as Section 16, a secret military location positioned somewhere in New Mexico.
Upon arrival, they find the camp deserted and, yep, it's not too long before the mine-dwelling mutants pop up once more to start picking them off one by one

It's a tried and tested formula, and is handled efficiently enough.
The mutant design is pretty decent, albeit vaguely reminiscent of that weird looking thing from The Goonies, and there's plenty of gore for the sick minded amongst you.
Nothing special, though, but it passes ninety minutes well enough.

3 out of 5

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007) Dir: Joe Lynch

Straight to video for this sick horror sequel.

The plot:
A reality TV show called Apocalypse is under way, filming taking place in an American forest, where six buff and attractive twenty somethings must do all they can to survive. What they don't know, though, is that alongside the tricks and traps from the production team, they will also have to do battle against a family of inbred cannibals, who stalk the woods, looking for fresh meat.

So, it's Charlie Brooker's Dead Set, effectively, only instead of Big Brother we get Survivor, and instead of zombies it's mutant hillbillies.
The second redneck movie we've watched today down here at Smell the Cult HQ, following The Hills Have Eyes II earlier and, have to say, this was the superior, despite a cast of unknowns and obviously lower budget.
One of the goriest films I've seen in a while, this really chucks it all at the screen during the last fifteen minutes, and that's very welcome, as too many modern horror movies don't have the courage of their convictions.
For cinephiles, there are some nice knowing references, too: The Battle Royale T-shirt, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre meal sequence, and others that I missed, I suspect, so keep 'em peeled.
With the franchise now up to part 4, I'm pretty sure it will be downhill from here but, blood-fiends, you could do much worse than this cult offering.
Liked it.

4 out of 5

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) Dir: Joseph Sargent

Widely regarded as the worst movie ever made - it's not. That honour falls to Tranformers 1, 2 or 3 - this is still certainly a duff old clunker.

The plot:
Ellen Brody, erstwhile wife of hero Chief Brody from movies one and two, is still living on Amity Island.
Her son, now all grown up, seems to have replaced Chief Brody as the go to guy for all things marine related, and is called out one night to clear some driftwood from a buoy. Reaching down into the murky depths, wouldn't you know it, a Great White attacks, ripping his arm clean off at first before returning to finish the job.
Ellen, of course, is devastated and, along with her only surviving son, heads off to The Bahamas!
That's right.
Living in the grip of a constant fear of the ocean and of sharks, she heads to a tropical island surrounded by fucking water and, once there, immediately starts swimming.
I'm not making this up.
Well, this being a shark movie an' all, seems the shark somehow senses she has moved from Amity and, yep, it follows her to The Bahamas where it's quest for vengeance can resume as, believe it or not, the shark somehow knows she was married to Chief Brody and he was responsible for this current shark's mother's death!!!
Seriously.

I really like shit movies as a rule, not least because they are generally nowhere near as bad as people think they are.
See, you have to take into account budget and talent and time taken before deciding how truly awful something is. That's why the Tranformers movies are so monumentally awful, because of the vast amount of money taken to produce something so cripplingly dreadful.
You know, think about Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, if you would. It's a rubbish film, but it probably cost the same amount to make as was spent on shoelaces in the Transformers movies, so to compare the two is unfair.
Here, though of a moderate budget, it's hard to excuse the flaws, the primary one being an overdose on the saccharine. Honestly, the family are so fucking perfect it makes you want to puke, and there's even a 'cute' little girl thrown in who, frankly, I just wanted them to feed to the gulls whilst still alive.
See if she's so chipper then.
With a plot as ridiculous as this, there's no point taking it seriously, so for those claiming it the worst mover ever made, think again.
It's bad, but it's no SS Hell Camp.

2 out of 5

Straw Dogs (1971) Dir: Sam Peckinpah

Sam Peckinpah's gritty rural thriller is insular, frightening stuff.

The plot:
An American mathematician, David Sumner (Hoffman) moves into a small village in rural England. There, the locals seem to take an interest, particularly in his beautiful wife Amy, played by Susan George.
Working on the Sumner's farm building, the men seem far too keen, and spy on her at every opportunity. Becoming increasingly frustrated, Amy accuses her husband of being a coward for not confronting the men, and tells him they wouldn't be having the trouble at all if he weren't so useless when it comes to matters practical.
One night, when a young girl goes missing from the local pub, the Sumner's inadvertently run over a man who may have been involved in the young girl's disappearance.
So begins a night of fear and tension than will escalate into brutal, cold-blooded murder.

It's an unusual film, that's for sure, starting out as a character piece, with themes of isolation and claustrophobia before a big, all action blow-out for the last fifteen minutes or so.
Dustin Hoffman is a magnetic presence on screen, perfectly capturing the role of neutered male confronted by burly, muscular sorts, not quite knowing how to communicate with them.
Famously banned in the UK due to a rather disturbing rape in which Amy's character initially struggles, but then gradually seems to come around to the idea, this was only released unedited in 2002.
Powerful and effective, if overly long in the build-up, this is certainly one to add to your list, cinephiles.

4 out of 5

Paranomal Activity 3

So, October comes and, like dark and dingy evenings, gusts of wind and fine drizzle, so too arrives the new Paranormal Activity movie.
Part 3 this year and, after the heights of 1 and 2, it's really got a lot to live up to.

The plot:
It's 2005, and Katie from part 1 delivers a box of old VHS tapes to her sister Kristi, from part 2.
You following?
On the tapes, we as viewers witness the events in 1988 that introduced the demonic menace to the lives of the then two young girls.
Things go bump in the night, doors open and close by themselves and, occasionally, pieces of furniture are flung around the house.
That's it.
For 86 minutes.

Continuing the stripped down, ultra realistic style of the first two, this time the focus shifts to the children in the house and, crucially, this is an origins story, as the pieces are put into place that reveal how the malevolent force came to be. With the occasional moment of genuine terror, there is slight shift in tone, too, as humour is used for the first time, though dark humour at that.
Perhaps not quite as gripping as 1 and 2, still the people in the cinema seemed to be having a good time, with some even screaming out loud at some of the more jumpy moments.
Decent stuff, then, but a part 4 might be pushing things too far.

4 out of 5

Død Snø (2009) Dir: Tommy Wirkola

The first Norwegian movie I've ever seen and, if this is anything to go by, not the last:

The plot:
Eight medical students decide to take some well earned holiday time and head off into the wilds of Norway's Arctic region, well off the beaten track. Traversing some difficult, snowbound terrain, they arrive at their cabin and begin to settle in.
Unexpectedly, a stranger arrives, and warns them about the region:
During World War 2, the Nazi's occupied Norway and, as The Allies gained the upper hand, knowing they were beaten, some headed into the area where, apparently, they vanished.
The vacationers laugh it off but, pretty soon, they start to get picked off and, heh, it doesn't take them too long to figure out that their adversaries are none other than the very folk the stranger told them about: Nazi Zombies!!!

Listen, if there are two things in this world I think are cool it's Nazi's and zombies, so to put the two things together is a sure fire winner here at Smell the Cult HQ. And don't get on your fucking high horse. I know Nazi's did terrible things: I've read multiple books about it, which is more than most of you dullards will have done, but they are still fantastic stylistically. Their uniforms are amazing and, let's be honest here, Prada and Gucci admirers would be compelled to acknowledge just how damned stylish they were.
And just because I say they looked cool doesn't mean I want to kill all Jewish people.
I do, but for very different reasons than Herr Führer.
Anyway, then you throw in some zombie chic, and you're onto a winner.
Incidentally, the Nazi zombie is not totally original to this film as, always bubbling under, there was something of a sub genre involving the theme: Zombie Lake, Shock Waves and Oasis of the Zombies, to name but three. Look 'em up on IMDB.
Here, the references are to more generic zombie movies, though no less important: Evil Dead is mentioned, Romero can be detected in certain camera angles, and one of the prey is sporting a pretty cool Braindead T-Shirt.
Clearly a niche market, if you are into your zombie movies, this one offers something that little bit different. Personally, it takes a lot to convince me these days when it comes to the living dead, as I tend to think it's all been done 'to death' as it were, but this was skewed enough to pique the interest and, with the odd moment of true class in terms of gore, I thoroughly enjoyed this for what it was.
There's the odd moment of proper black humour too, and this element can be evidenced by the great tagline: "Ein! Zwei! Die!" as well as the quote the DVD distributors chose for the cover: "One of the 25 best zombie movies of all time."
If that doesn't amuse, don't bother with this.
Zombie buffs only need apply, then, but if you're of a mind, this will certainly entertain.

4 out of 5

Eraserhead (1977) Dir: David Lynch

Blimey, what do you say about this movie?

The plot:
Henry Spencer is a man so ordinary he is in danger of vanishing in a cloud of blandness.
Interested in a woman, he agrees to visit her parents house for dinner and, once there, is confronted in secret by the mother. She demands to know if he has had sexual intercourse with her daughter and,reluctant to admit it, Henry hesitates. The mother lunges in, attempting to get frisky whilst simultaneously repeating the demand. Luckily, the daughter shows up, sparing Henry's blushes but, before she does, the mother announces that Henry now has a child - an impossibility given the timescales.
Now, Henry is a father, but of no ordinary baby. A mutant, with sucking lips and stretched skin, grotesque, the mother soon abandons the pair and Henry is forced to deal with his own sense of disquiet along with the perpetual squeals of his malformed offspring.....

Sweet Jesus, this is tough going.
Filmed in black and white, this has a film noir style, with much use made of shadow and smoke to truly unnerve.
The monstrous baby is genuinely frightening, ET in a pushchair, and Henry's world is painted as one surrounded by nought but bleakness and horror.
Disturbing, mind-melting and utterly one of a kind, this is a movie to test the nerves of even the hardiest horror fan.

Fantastic.

5 out of 5

Dread (2009) Dir: Anthony DiBlasi

Psychological horror is what we have here.

The plot:
Four media college students begin work on a project to study the nature of fear. Interviewing subjects, the project seems to be going well until one of their number, Quaid, flies off the handle when an interview subject lies to them about a past trauma. Enraged, Quaid smashes up the recording equipment.
Distanced now from the rest of the group, Quaid decides to continue by himself, though now his thoughts turn to the nature of dread itself and, to conduct his research, he needs live victims.....

Though intelligent in premise and execution, this is just a wee bit flat and sterile.
Well made, certainly for the budget, this is a movie that seems almost afraid to be labelled as horror, the director clearly working with the idea that his film is above all of that silliness, which is a shame as, frankly, what this really needed was a dose of the twisted and sadistic.
Exploring some interesting themes, identity foremost amongst them, there are solid enough ideas here, so it's a touch disappointing that the end product feels so damned clinical.
Not sure if I'd recommend this, but I can't say that it's no good either.
Average fodder, then.

3 out of 5

The 'burbs (1989) Dir: Joe Dante

Similar in tone to Dante's most famous movie, Gremlins, here's another blackly comic genre piece.

The plot:
Ray Peterson lives in a regular suburb in a regular house with a regular lawn and regular neighbours. One day, a new family move into his street, and Ray and the locals begin to suspect that all may not be as it seems within their home.
Are the new family regular people, just like everybody else, or could they in fact be a pack of flesh hungry cannibals, eager to feast on the local population?

A simple enough premise is brought to life by some excellent cinematography and direction, as well as believable, engaging performances from all concerned.
Though reasonably mainstream, the spook factor is escalated as the movie progresses, the dark heart gradually exposed and, as ever, Dante's cine-literacy is in clear evidence.
Something of a box office flop at the time, this was Tom Hanks' first relative failure following his break out role in Big, but the movie has since developed a devoted cult following on VHS and DVD.
Horror and comedy are not always ideal bedfellows, but Dante manages to pull it all together with some style.
A good film, indeed.

4 out of 5

Real Steel (2011) Dir: Shawn Levy

From the director of Night at the Museum 1 and 2(!) this couldn't be as bad as it looked, could it?

The plot:
It's the near future, and Huge Ass Man plays Charlie Kenton, a man who earns his crust competing in robot boxing tournaments, legal or otherwise. We meet him as his luck is very much on a downward spiral. He's out of cash, people are chasing him for money and, worse still, his robot cash cow is destroyed by a very angry bull, quite literally.
An absentee father, Kenton finds a way to earn some money out of his estranged son, and purchases a new robot - Noisy Boy - and enters it into a competition way above its ability level. Soundly thrashed, this robot too is destroyed.
Now, with son Max in tow, Charlie seems all out of options, until his son discovers a robot abandoned, buried, unwanted.
Any guesses what happens next, folks?

With a plot so trite it made the recent Warrior seem positively ground-breaking, this suffers from the blight of Spielberg in exec. producer role, with so much schmaltz and saccharine hurled at the screen you may very well want to hurt yourself.
Ass Man sleepwalks through the movie, truly delivering his lines as if someone told them to him moments before he had to be on set, but the major irritant here is the son, played with upperty smugness by youngster Dakota Goyo or, to give him his true alias, Smackable Shitface. Seriously, if one so young behaved like this around most sentient adults, the belt would be off before two minutes had elapsed.
The little prick.
Incidentally, I have a confession to make. I endured thirty minutes of this before heading back to the car, leaving Mrs. Mo to it in the theatre whilst I listened to a football podcast, before heading back for the climatic battle which, in itself, was about as riveting as back to back episodes of Dad's Army.
Pathetic in every single regard, this is the worst film I've seen at the cinema this year.
Avoid.

1 out of 5

Texas Killing Fields (2011) Dir: Ami Canaan Mann

Invoking the word Texas in a movie about murder and mayhem is sure to cast one's thoughts back to a seminal movie from the mid seventies, but any connection between Chain Saw Massacre and this release begins and ends there.

The plot:
A pair of homicide detectives team up to attempt to solve a series of murders and disappearances in The Bayous, all of them involving young women.

Nothing else to add, plot wise, but that should in no way suggest any kind of deficiency with the movie.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Eschewing gore and sensationalism, here the focus is entirely on atmosphere, as a haunting and incredibly tense tapestry is woven, pulling you in to the story.
Based on a true story - though we all know what a shady term that is - the events depicted are grisly in the extreme, and the terrifying and sinister underbelly of society is exposed as a dreadful, sickly thing, teetering on the brink of insanity.
Danny Boyle was initially on board as director, but walked away, declaring the subject matter 'so dark it will never be made' but, thankfully, he was incorrect.
Sam 'Avatar' 'Clash of the Titans' Worthington puts in a decent performance for once, but one point of complaint is the woeful under use of Chloë 'Hit Girl' Moretz who, essentially, was only in the movie to play the role of victim. A shame, as she is an actress worth paying attention to in future. For someone so young, she seems incredibly wise.
Whilst the pace and general tone will be off putting to some, those who like their movies dark and brooding could do a lot worse than to check out this understated movie but, if you are interested, I'd hurry along, as it won't be on screen for long.

4 out of 10

The Unborn (1991) Dir: Rodman Flender

Prime American horror from the early nineties.

The plot:
A desperate couple, childless after five years of trying, select a gynaecologist of some repute to assist them in their bid to spawn. With alarming swiftness, the treatment he advises is successful and the woman becomes burdened. All should be good with the world but, before too long, she begins to experience strange side effects; a rash on her neck that won't stop itching, the overpowering compulsion to eat and sporadic moments of sadistic, violent tendencies.
When another woman contacts her and makes claims about the gynaecologists practices, the pregnant one begins to uncover the terrible truth: that her body is being used as a vessel to carry something more than human.

And this is proper horror, kids, with not a teenage twattling nor CGI gribbly in sight.
The moments of grossness are infrequent, but that's ok, as the focus here is more on creepy build-up and mental dischord rather than pure gore. That's not to say there's not the odd bit of gristle, which is welcome and, let's be honest, folks, images of pregnant women jabbing themselves in the belly with kitchen knives are always good for a chuckle.
Brooke Adams in the leading role is solid as ever. No surprise given her status as something of a cult movie stalwart (The Stuff, The Dead Zone, Invasion of the Body Snatchers).
Playing on the Cronenberg notions of body horror and treating pregnancy as a condition that mutates and deforms as a parasite bloats within the amniotic sac, the subject matter will of course be troublesome for the wilfully offended but, frankly, fuck them.
Though the movie does drift into the absurd during the climatic ten minutes, this was nevertheless a very satisfying dose of horror how horror used to be done.
Liked it a lot.

4 out of 5

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010) Dir: Troy Nixey

When the name Guillermo del Toro is above the title of a movie, even in the capacity of producer, expectations are high.

The plot:
A wealthy couple, one an architect, the other an interior designer, move into an imposing new home, ripe for renovation. With them, the daughter of the man from another marriage, reluctantly forced to move by her natural mother to start a life with half a new family.
Got it?
The house seems strange to her, forbidding and, soon, she discovers an old outhouse at the rear of the property, buried through years of apparent neglect.
Excavating the building, the family are astonished to discover an artists studio from a previous owner and, besides that, the young girl suspects that there are things alive in there, things that creep and crawl and come to play mischief whilst everyone is asleep.
What is the connection between the building and the human teeth the young girl finds?
Why are the voices whispering to her?
And there aren’t any such thing as fairies, are there?

It’s a promising premise and, from the trailer, looked as if this would be a riot of imagination, the dark side of fairy tales explored.
The reality is quite different.
Formulaic horror tropes are trotted out: creaking floorboards, creepy music boxes, small creatures moving through the shadows.
At no point is there a genuine surprise.
The performances of the adult cast are not so much phoned in as sent by carrier pigeon, including the usually excellent Guy Pearce.

Spooky on occasion, but nowhere near as involving as it needed to be, this disappointed quite severely.

2 out of 5

Red State (2011) Dir: Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith is an enigmatic creature.
After the heights of indie sensations Clerks and Mallrats, he went into something of a nosedive creatively, with each movie dropping off in terms of quality compared to the last, culminating in Cop Out, a real 'Hollywood' movie that reeked of corporate interference and a total lack of heart.
Here, Smith sets out to redress the balance.
But does he succeed?

The plot:
Three young men, bored with college and lack of success on the woman front, decide to pay for what they desire. Heading out into the sticks to meet a woman they have contacted via the Internet, the three instead wind up being drugged, bound and gagged.
Later, one of the three, Jared, awakens to find himself in a cage being transported to a church hall of some kind. There a preacher, Abin Cooper (Michael Parks), delivers a hate filled sermon to a small but rapturous congregation before revealing a man lashed to a cross.
Shortly, the man is dispatched, a bullet through the skull.
Suddenly, John Goodman arrives on scene and, before you can say The Taking of Pelham 123, you've got a siege movie on your hands.

This is bloody great.
Smith manages to deliver three movies in one here, each one handled effectively and with real verve.
Movie 1: Teen sex comedy.
As ever with a Kevin Smith movie, there is vulgarity, but only for the briefest time.
Movie 2: Torture Porn movie.
Violence, bloodshed and an unflinching camera are all present and correct.
Movie 3: The siege movie, with the stakes raised somewhat in a dramatic sense by the Biblically apocalyptic nature of the religious fanatics' dialogue.
After the underwhelming Zack and Miri Make a Porno and the frankly atrocious Cop Out, this seems to be a movie where an indie director once more decides to flex his muscles.
Sharply scripted, brilliantly shot - the shaky cam is a departure for Smith, and he handles it very well - this is a movie that will confuse the hell out of some, but is an entertaining, rewarding thrill ride, with a punchy ending that throws a real curve ball at you.
Unpredictable brilliance, then

5 out of 5