Apollo 18 (2011) Gonzalo López-Gallego

Something horrible lurks on the moon.

The plot:
Officially, Apollo 17 was the final mission to the moon for NASA but, in this 'found footage' movie, we see the reason that, even though Apollo 18 actually launched, nothing was ever revealed about it's mission.
Two astronauts arrive on the surface of the moon and, before very long at all, they begin to feel creeped out. Strange noises, odd video footage and, most disturbingly, unknown footprints in the lunar soil.
Following the path, the pair discover a Russian landing vessel and, within, signs of a struggle.
Exploration of the nearby area reveals a cosmonaut, dead, apparently by violent means.
Will the pair get off the surface?
Or will they meet the same end as their cold war rivals.

You know, found footage movies have every right to feel a bit 'last century,' yet this manages to engage from the off.
With a brief runtime that really serves a purpose, there is no time to waste on unnecessaries and, instead, the intensity soon begins to ratchet.
With some pretty cool visuals - the 'thing' inside the spacesuit is particularly frightening - and solid performances, this relies on genuine scares and stripped down sensibilities, and really delivers the goods.
Literally taking a long, hard running piss at the likes of Transfuckers 3, this is down to the bone movie making that packs a significant punch.
Liked it very much indeed.

4 out of 5

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009) Dir: John Hyams

Fourth installment of the super-soldier franchise is a depressingly dull affair.

The plot:
A bunch of terrorists seize control of the abandoned Chernobyl nuclear reactor, and threaten to use the nuclear energy still present to cause devastation on a scale never previously seen.
The solution?
Introduce original Universal Soldier Luc Devereaux to sort the fuckers out.

With a moderate budget, this initially manages to make the most of it's meagre resources but, strangely, the movie seems to lose momentum massively as soon as old creased-face Long Cord Man Slamme puts in an appearance.
And what an appearance.
He looks like he's turning into fucking leather.
To add a little bit of spice to proceedings, that other retro-bruiser Dolph Lundgren turns up and generally just gurns about the place, beating the living shit out of one or two likely sorts.
Violence wise, this is pretty intense, with prolonged fight sequences that are reasonably unflinching, and particularly well choreographed.
If only they'd left Man Slamme at home, this could have been a real winner.
Shame.
Disappointingly dull, then.

2 out of 5

Primer (2004) Dir: Shane Carruth

Strange and surreal low-fi sci-fi tension is what we have here.

The plot:
Four budding entrepreneurs are building a device in one of their garages, though the exact nature of the contraption is unclear to begin with. As the project develops, two of their number realise that they are onto something potentially huge, a scientific discovery or breakthrough that could prove game-changing for our society, but decide to keep the secret to themselves, not letting the others know of their suspicions.
Gradually, as the true nature of the device is revealed, and the pair put it to use to try to swell their bank accounts, unforeseen problems arise and, with each step they take to put things right, things spiral ever further out of control.

A deliberately obtuse summary of the plot there, as to reveal any more would be to ruin the drama.

A slow burning, thought provoking slice of low-budget edginess, that raises more questions that it answers, and never for a second treats the viewer like an imbecile, this is clever stuff. Indeed, there are points when trying to decipher the intricacies of the plot begin to make the head hurt, so this is ripe for repeat viewing, in order to shed light more fully on proceedings.
If your idea of sci-fi deals exclusively with aliens and lightsabers and space battles, avoid this like green tinged bacon, but if you want something with substance, depth and gravity, you could do a lot worse. Clocking in at just under eighty minutes, I reckon this one is worth a punt even for those in doubt.
Spellbinding movie making.

5 out of 5

The Day the Earth Stopped (2008) Dir: C. Thomas Howell

Ahh, The Asylum.
Ahh, C. Thomas Howell, you've just got to love 'em.
The mockbuster is alive and well and in competent hands as, here, Howell dishes up a nonsensical, ramshackle tale of sub-par Star Trek alien invasion that will entertain as much as it confounds.
The plot: A male and female alien, apparently sent from one of the enormous robotic devices that have landed in all of the Earth's major cities, are captured by square jawed military sorts, and beaten up for a bit.
One of the soldiers - writer / director Howell - takes exception to this, particularly the mistreatment of the big-titted female, and decides to go renegade, saving her from the ordeal. As she gradually begins to trust him, she reveals the true purpose of the alien visitation: to provide mankind one opportunity to prove their worthiness, else face annihilation.
Heh, this is an Asylum film, so we expect dreadful effects and piss poor acting and, for the most part, they are present and correct. What we do not expect is a score that is actually energising, nor a directorial performance that must rank as Howell's all time career high.
You know, at times, I actually found myself enjoying this, actually found myself drawn into the story and, clearly, this really pissed me off. This is an Asylum movie: It's meant to be shit.
That being said, this could all be explained away by my peculiarites as the person I was watching it with described it as 'an assault on their humanity.'
Fair point, I guess, and something The Asylum may wish to put on any promotional material they produce from this point forward.
Massively cheap, massively derivative, but certainly not as bad as it should be, I suspect I would prefer this to the Keanu Reeves mega-movie this cashed in on.