As the Mayan calendar ticks down day by day, Roland 'Independence Day' Emmerich felt the time was ripe for him to make a disaster movie based on the impending doom we face as a race.
See, he's never made a disaster movie before, his previous offerings being the sci-fi guff Independence Day, creature feature Godzilla, beefcake tussling in Universal Soldier and.....oh hang on, wait just one flinking flanking second....impending disaster movie The Day After Tomorrow.
So, what would draw a man of such copious and undeniable talent back to the same subject matter once more?
Who the Christ knows.
The plot:
Solar flares are happening.
They're really big.
The Earth's crust is destabilising.
Massive earthquakes are occurring.
And tsunami's.
And winds so gusty they can whip your skegs off from beneath your very trousers.
Cities crumble into the ocean.
Aeroplanes wend their way between falling skyscrapers like the ultimate level of Sega's Afterburner.
And it's all such a load of absolute cock it's hard not to be taken along for the ride.
At every level, this is diabolical, yet still it entertained, still it kept me watching.
Where loud explosions and fraught voices usually leave me cowering in the corner, flashbacks to a terrifying childhood manifesting themselves in adult life, here they merely entertained.
Look, I know it's twaddle, I know it should be hateful.
But I bloody well enjoyed it.
So fuck right off.
3 out of 5
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
TRON: Legacy (2010) Dir: Joseph Kosinski
28 years is one hell of a gap between an original movie and its sequel - I can't think of any that have had longer breaks - so, with Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner and an assortment of other original cast members still on board, would Disney make a complete binary of it?
Well, not entirely.
The plot: Garrett Hedlund plays Sam, a young man whose father, Kevin Flynn, was the head of a game design company that created the legendary Tron before his untimely disappearance.
Drawn to the site of his father's abandoned warehouse by a pager message from a number that should no longer exist, Sam is inadvertently sucked into the digital world of The Grid himself, where he must track down his true father, as well as do battle with the world and programmes in which he finds himself.
And it's a mixed bag.
The visuals are jaw-dropping, but it is just a fraction too dark, a common complaint when 3D is involved.
Jeff Bridges' is under-used, really, Hedlund as his son taking centre stage and his is a lumpen, wooden performance.
The initial set-up is intriguing but, once we enter the digital realm, it quickly descends into expositional dialogue interspersed with drawn out digital fight / chase scenes.
Crucially, though the effects have been updated, it seems little else has as all of the good ideas and impressive visual scenes were merely variations on what has gone before.
Special mention must be made of the 'de-ageing' of Bridges, which looks by turns impressive and genuinely terrifying.
Though no great fan of the original, I was interested enough in this sequel to feel a vague sense of disappointment at the end as, frankly, it was just a little dull. And by the Christ's it was too long.
3 out of 5. But only just.
Well, not entirely.
The plot: Garrett Hedlund plays Sam, a young man whose father, Kevin Flynn, was the head of a game design company that created the legendary Tron before his untimely disappearance.
Drawn to the site of his father's abandoned warehouse by a pager message from a number that should no longer exist, Sam is inadvertently sucked into the digital world of The Grid himself, where he must track down his true father, as well as do battle with the world and programmes in which he finds himself.
And it's a mixed bag.
The visuals are jaw-dropping, but it is just a fraction too dark, a common complaint when 3D is involved.
Jeff Bridges' is under-used, really, Hedlund as his son taking centre stage and his is a lumpen, wooden performance.
The initial set-up is intriguing but, once we enter the digital realm, it quickly descends into expositional dialogue interspersed with drawn out digital fight / chase scenes.
Crucially, though the effects have been updated, it seems little else has as all of the good ideas and impressive visual scenes were merely variations on what has gone before.
Special mention must be made of the 'de-ageing' of Bridges, which looks by turns impressive and genuinely terrifying.
Though no great fan of the original, I was interested enough in this sequel to feel a vague sense of disappointment at the end as, frankly, it was just a little dull. And by the Christ's it was too long.
3 out of 5. But only just.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
The Warrior's Way (2010) Dir: Sngmoo Lee
You know, I was only thinking 'tuther day, what this world needs is more Ninja Vs. Cowboy movies and, as luck would have it, along came The Warrior's Way to my local World of Cine.
The plot: Dong-gun Jang plays Yang, finest swordsman in a clan of vicious and feared Ninja's known as The Sad Flutes, a moniker earned in tribute to the sound a throat makes after it has been slashed open. Sent on a mission to wipe out once and for all their most deadly enemies, Yang all but succeeds, but cannot bring himself to kill the last of the enemy clan - a tiny, female baby.
Shunned by his own kind for his act of mercy, Yang travels far, finding himself in America, in a small town called Lode, populated almost exclusively by circus folk. With a tyrannical overlord named Ron (Geoffrey Rush) leaving the population in fear, Yang must try to build himself a new life.
But, inevitably, his past will catch up with him, in a final showdown between Ron's own army and The Sad Flutes, the population of Lode very much caught in the crossfire.
And it's a strange affair, all round.
Mixing humour and cartoon violence, this tries to do too much and ultimately fails to be anything of particular substance. It is, however, beautifully shot, both in terms of the choreography of the action sequences, as well as the backdrops and general cinematography.
And it is not without it's charm.
Dong-gun Jang is a likeable enough lead, and Kate Bosworth makes for a decent foil.
The set-pieces are pretty spectacular, though there aren't enough of them, with the action very much in the comic book ilk, more 300 than The Last Samurai.
Sporadically violent, occasionally amusing, intermittently charming, it's clear to see why this is something of a box office flop, but it is also apparent that it will attract a devoted, cult following.
I quite liked it.
3 out of 5
The plot: Dong-gun Jang plays Yang, finest swordsman in a clan of vicious and feared Ninja's known as The Sad Flutes, a moniker earned in tribute to the sound a throat makes after it has been slashed open. Sent on a mission to wipe out once and for all their most deadly enemies, Yang all but succeeds, but cannot bring himself to kill the last of the enemy clan - a tiny, female baby.
Shunned by his own kind for his act of mercy, Yang travels far, finding himself in America, in a small town called Lode, populated almost exclusively by circus folk. With a tyrannical overlord named Ron (Geoffrey Rush) leaving the population in fear, Yang must try to build himself a new life.
But, inevitably, his past will catch up with him, in a final showdown between Ron's own army and The Sad Flutes, the population of Lode very much caught in the crossfire.
And it's a strange affair, all round.
Mixing humour and cartoon violence, this tries to do too much and ultimately fails to be anything of particular substance. It is, however, beautifully shot, both in terms of the choreography of the action sequences, as well as the backdrops and general cinematography.
And it is not without it's charm.
Dong-gun Jang is a likeable enough lead, and Kate Bosworth makes for a decent foil.
The set-pieces are pretty spectacular, though there aren't enough of them, with the action very much in the comic book ilk, more 300 than The Last Samurai.
Sporadically violent, occasionally amusing, intermittently charming, it's clear to see why this is something of a box office flop, but it is also apparent that it will attract a devoted, cult following.
I quite liked it.
3 out of 5
Monday, 29 November 2010
Machete (2010) Dir: Ethan Maniquis, Robert Rodriguez
Robert Rodriguez's full length version of the Grindhouse trailer by the same name is as testosterone laden as the first day on set of Big Boys in Boots 4.
Danny Trujo plays the titular character, an ex-federale (Mexican FBI, I presume) turned mercenary, hired by a crime organisation to assassinate a politician running for office on the back of an anti-immigration campaign. Betrayed by those that hired him, Machete goes on a violent and bloody killing spree, intent on sinking his vicious blade into the belly of the man at the top.
With a host of semi-cameo appearances, including Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and the woeful Robert de Niro - seriously, this is one of the worst performances I have ever seen from a 'proper' actor - this is something of a fanboys wet dream, Rodriguez clearly pandering to the macho inclinations of his core audience.
With a comic tone, set pretty early on as Machete guts someone then uses the entrails to swing from a window to the storey below, this is also pretty damn violent, gaining the movie an 18 certificate here in the UK, something it is increasingly hard for a film to be labeled with.
Blood gushes, throats are slashed, men are disemboweled, eyes are blasted from their sockets, but it's all done with tongue very firmly in cheek.
If you are looking for a 'real' movie, I'd steer well clear of this, but if excessive gore to the point of black comedy floats your boat, check it out.
Danny Trujo plays the titular character, an ex-federale (Mexican FBI, I presume) turned mercenary, hired by a crime organisation to assassinate a politician running for office on the back of an anti-immigration campaign. Betrayed by those that hired him, Machete goes on a violent and bloody killing spree, intent on sinking his vicious blade into the belly of the man at the top.
With a host of semi-cameo appearances, including Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and the woeful Robert de Niro - seriously, this is one of the worst performances I have ever seen from a 'proper' actor - this is something of a fanboys wet dream, Rodriguez clearly pandering to the macho inclinations of his core audience.
With a comic tone, set pretty early on as Machete guts someone then uses the entrails to swing from a window to the storey below, this is also pretty damn violent, gaining the movie an 18 certificate here in the UK, something it is increasingly hard for a film to be labeled with.
Blood gushes, throats are slashed, men are disemboweled, eyes are blasted from their sockets, but it's all done with tongue very firmly in cheek.
If you are looking for a 'real' movie, I'd steer well clear of this, but if excessive gore to the point of black comedy floats your boat, check it out.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Unstoppable (2010) Dir: Tony Scott
I approached this movie with mixed emotions.
I love Denzel Washington. His aura, his mannerisms, the way he speaks. He is a real presence in every movie.
I don’t really like Tony Scott's direction. Too stylised, too frenetic, too MT freakin' V.
So would the presence of both on the same movie cancel each other out? Well, it didn't work for me with Man on Fire.
Who would win out?
The actor or the director?
In truth, both do just fine.
The plot: When a railroad operative foolishly steps off the train which he is driving to flip a switch to change the points on the track, he inadvertently sets off a chain of events with potentially epic consequences. The controls are not set properly as he alights the train, moving well below walking speed, so that, between him stepping off and reaching the points switch, the engine is engaged and the train rumbles off, gaining speed all the time. The driver has no chance of getting back on board, so now the game is on: How to stop a half mile long train, pack with a multitude of cargo, including molten phelon, a lethal and highly toxic substance.
Denzel and his new charge Will (Chris 'Kirk' Pine) are the only men in a position to do anything about the projectile but, inevitably, must put their lives at risk to do so.
And it's a great watch.
Super-charged, massively entertaining, this rattles along at a fair old clip, Scott holding his overtly annoying fast-edit predilections in check for the most part.
Denzel is great as always, and Chris Pine does a decent job of matching him blow for blow.
As high concept as it gets, I guess, the fact that it is also based on a true story adds an element of class to proceedings along with the performances of the leads.
Gripping and tense, this is something of a thrill ride.
Very good.
I love Denzel Washington. His aura, his mannerisms, the way he speaks. He is a real presence in every movie.
I don’t really like Tony Scott's direction. Too stylised, too frenetic, too MT freakin' V.
So would the presence of both on the same movie cancel each other out? Well, it didn't work for me with Man on Fire.
Who would win out?
The actor or the director?
In truth, both do just fine.
The plot: When a railroad operative foolishly steps off the train which he is driving to flip a switch to change the points on the track, he inadvertently sets off a chain of events with potentially epic consequences. The controls are not set properly as he alights the train, moving well below walking speed, so that, between him stepping off and reaching the points switch, the engine is engaged and the train rumbles off, gaining speed all the time. The driver has no chance of getting back on board, so now the game is on: How to stop a half mile long train, pack with a multitude of cargo, including molten phelon, a lethal and highly toxic substance.
Denzel and his new charge Will (Chris 'Kirk' Pine) are the only men in a position to do anything about the projectile but, inevitably, must put their lives at risk to do so.
And it's a great watch.
Super-charged, massively entertaining, this rattles along at a fair old clip, Scott holding his overtly annoying fast-edit predilections in check for the most part.
Denzel is great as always, and Chris Pine does a decent job of matching him blow for blow.
As high concept as it gets, I guess, the fact that it is also based on a true story adds an element of class to proceedings along with the performances of the leads.
Gripping and tense, this is something of a thrill ride.
Very good.
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Cronos (1993) Dir: Guillermo del Toro
Guillermo del Toro's breakthrough movie is a strange, quietly disturbing affair. The plot: Almost 500 hundred years ago, an alchemist devised a small piece of machinery that promised the gift of eternal life.
In present times (well, 1997) the Cronos device unwittingly falls into the hands of an ageing antiques dealer, Mr. Gris. Playing a board game with his young grand-daughter, suddenly the table is over-run with cockroaches, the source of which a winged, angelic statue Breaking the statue open, Mr. Gris discovers the device, a beautiful and ornate creation, scarab-like in shape and, clutching it in his hand, suddenly the thing sprouts legs, the legs snapping into place against his hand, piercing the flesh. Slowly, a thin, nozzle-like protuberance extends from the head end of the device, this too piercing his flesh. Meanwhile, another seeks the device, a man who will stop at nothing to get his hands on it, for he too seeks the promise of eternal life and, with Ron Perlman acting as his muscle, there's every chance he'll get it, too.
Massively inventive, this shrieks cult classic with almost every frame.
It's sinister, too, the lighting of each scene evocative and disturbing, lending the viewer the need to peer into the shadows that drape the corners of the screen throughout, just in case something truly horrible lurks there.
Imaginative and visually impressive, this is a fine movie indeed.
4 out of 5
In present times (well, 1997) the Cronos device unwittingly falls into the hands of an ageing antiques dealer, Mr. Gris. Playing a board game with his young grand-daughter, suddenly the table is over-run with cockroaches, the source of which a winged, angelic statue Breaking the statue open, Mr. Gris discovers the device, a beautiful and ornate creation, scarab-like in shape and, clutching it in his hand, suddenly the thing sprouts legs, the legs snapping into place against his hand, piercing the flesh. Slowly, a thin, nozzle-like protuberance extends from the head end of the device, this too piercing his flesh. Meanwhile, another seeks the device, a man who will stop at nothing to get his hands on it, for he too seeks the promise of eternal life and, with Ron Perlman acting as his muscle, there's every chance he'll get it, too.
Massively inventive, this shrieks cult classic with almost every frame.
It's sinister, too, the lighting of each scene evocative and disturbing, lending the viewer the need to peer into the shadows that drape the corners of the screen throughout, just in case something truly horrible lurks there.
Imaginative and visually impressive, this is a fine movie indeed.
4 out of 5
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Triangle (2009) Dir: Christopher Smith
This neat little Australia / UK collaboration packs quite a punch for it's relatively moderate budget.
The plot: A young single mother, Jess, (Melissa George) goes on a yachting trip with a small group, only one of whom she is acquainted with. All is well until, suddenly, from nowhere, a freak storm capsizes the vessel. Scrambling onto the hull of the vessel, all but one of the group are safe, when a vast ocean liner drifts past. Clambering aboard the huge craft, the group are puzzled to discover that they are all alone on the ship, the crew nowhere to be seen. Jess catches a glimpse of another person, who runs away as soon as they are spotted and, the group giving chase, they find Jess' keys on the floor, in a part of the ship they had not yet visited.
The group divides up, all the better to search the craft, but divided they shall fall, as one poor unfortunate gets a clothes hook through the back of the skull whilst another couple are picked off by a sniper in the gallery of the on board theatre
Why is someone seemingly intent on killing them off?
And why does Jess feel like she's been there before?
The Bermuda Triangle is one of those folk tales that fires the imagination, having just the right combination of science-fiction mystery and potential scientific plausibility to set the mind a-wandering. It's also a potent trigger for this occasionally vicious, continually smart and well-crafted yarn.
Violent in bursts, the lead actress is sufficiently engaging to carry her role and to sweep you along with the intrigue.
Intelligent and, at times, disturbing, this is a solid sci-fi / horror release. Very good, indeed.
4 out of 5
Favourite line: "Downstairs right now is a copy of myself. Me!"
The plot: A young single mother, Jess, (Melissa George) goes on a yachting trip with a small group, only one of whom she is acquainted with. All is well until, suddenly, from nowhere, a freak storm capsizes the vessel. Scrambling onto the hull of the vessel, all but one of the group are safe, when a vast ocean liner drifts past. Clambering aboard the huge craft, the group are puzzled to discover that they are all alone on the ship, the crew nowhere to be seen. Jess catches a glimpse of another person, who runs away as soon as they are spotted and, the group giving chase, they find Jess' keys on the floor, in a part of the ship they had not yet visited.
The group divides up, all the better to search the craft, but divided they shall fall, as one poor unfortunate gets a clothes hook through the back of the skull whilst another couple are picked off by a sniper in the gallery of the on board theatre
Why is someone seemingly intent on killing them off?
And why does Jess feel like she's been there before?
The Bermuda Triangle is one of those folk tales that fires the imagination, having just the right combination of science-fiction mystery and potential scientific plausibility to set the mind a-wandering. It's also a potent trigger for this occasionally vicious, continually smart and well-crafted yarn.
Violent in bursts, the lead actress is sufficiently engaging to carry her role and to sweep you along with the intrigue.
Intelligent and, at times, disturbing, this is a solid sci-fi / horror release. Very good, indeed.
4 out of 5
Favourite line: "Downstairs right now is a copy of myself. Me!"
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