Robert Rodriguez's full length version of the Grindhouse trailer by the same name is as testosterone laden as the first day on set of Big Boys in Boots 4.
Danny Trujo plays the titular character, an ex-federale (Mexican FBI, I presume) turned mercenary, hired by a crime organisation to assassinate a politician running for office on the back of an anti-immigration campaign. Betrayed by those that hired him, Machete goes on a violent and bloody killing spree, intent on sinking his vicious blade into the belly of the man at the top.
With a host of semi-cameo appearances, including Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and the woeful Robert de Niro - seriously, this is one of the worst performances I have ever seen from a 'proper' actor - this is something of a fanboys wet dream, Rodriguez clearly pandering to the macho inclinations of his core audience.
With a comic tone, set pretty early on as Machete guts someone then uses the entrails to swing from a window to the storey below, this is also pretty damn violent, gaining the movie an 18 certificate here in the UK, something it is increasingly hard for a film to be labeled with.
Blood gushes, throats are slashed, men are disemboweled, eyes are blasted from their sockets, but it's all done with tongue very firmly in cheek.
If you are looking for a 'real' movie, I'd steer well clear of this, but if excessive gore to the point of black comedy floats your boat, check it out.
Showing posts with label gore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gore. Show all posts
Monday, 29 November 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Piranha (2010) Dir: Alexandre Aja
French shocker Haute Tension's director Alexandre Aja helms this remake of a movie that was itself a Joe 'Gremlins' Dante directed parody in the first place.
Confused?
You might be.
Lake Victoria, every summer time, plays host to twenty thousand screaming jocks and nymphettes, all determined to enjoy their summer break by taking off most, if not all of their clothes, waving their arses around whilst covered in oil, and pouring as much alcohol down their worthless gullets as possible.
A seismic shift beneath the great lake's surface literally moves the Earth and, beneath the water, a crevasse is formed, linking the lake on the surface with one beneath the rock, that had been sealed for millions of years. Though shut off from the outside world for millenia, life still flourished, and soon finds its way into the warm upper waters and, wouldn't you know it, those voracious prehistoric piranha have a wanton taste for human flesh.
Cue much waterbound screaming and thrashing.
A simple enough premise, ripe for the modern faux B-movie workover.
But, this is a strange beast, and no mistake.
Essentially, viewing Piranha 3D is like watching two really short movies spliced together as one.
Movie 1: Run of the mill monster movie, where fish have really big teeth and eat anything that is foolish enough to swim where they lurk.
Movie 2: One of those God awful Girls Gone Wild soft porno's that gained brief notoriety - here in Blighty at least - when Larry David was determined to get his hands on one in CYE.
It's clever, though, almost post-modern.
See, we are watching a softcore movie being made by a cheap as chips porno director in the movie and, by lucky happenstance, that means we as the viewer get to watch a softcore movie ourselves, or at least snippets of it. Then the scene changes, and we're all gristle and gnashing teeth and flying cartilage. Then back again, to the porn movie. It's fucking bewildering at times, and is rooted squarely between the hateful and the genius and, even now, 24 hours after seeing the movie, I can't decide which way it swings.
As the bikini clad beauties shake their poomtang, as the muscle bound morons flex their pecs, delight in the certain knowledge that they will all meet a grisly end.
As Kelly Brook and her 'pal' cavort underwater, bare as the day they were born in a 'mermaid' scene that simply has to be seen to be believed - I laughed out loud at the preposterousness of the whole thing, whilst slowly 'Little Mosefus' made his presence felt - you'll be shaking your head in confusion.
So that's the nudity dealt with, what about the gore?
As a 3D only movie, I wasn't expecting much, but was pleased to be proved wrong as, on occasion, this is positively barbaric. Sure, there's the odd moment of CGI silliness and, yep, you get the occasional 'point something at the camera and wave it around in Real 3D' scene but, for the most part, the gruel is proper prosthetics, and the movie is all the better for it. As people are dragged onto boats midway through piranha attacks, we see their useless, flesh-stripped limbs flailing behind them. In one glorious moment of madness, a rather unfortunate woman gets her hair caught on the propellor of a powerboat and has the skin of her face ripped right off, a fine feat of special FX that had me giggling like an imbecile.
Whilst it takes a little while to get there, when the payoff comes it is well worth the wait and, as the bloodbath ensues, one couldn't help but be put in mind of the opening sequences of Saving Private Ryan, with body parts flying left and right, corpses adrift in the water, whilst those that survive must do battle with a seemingly invincible foe.
But at least this one had a plausible plotline....
Riotously good fun, the only reason I knock 1 off the rating is because, due to a genetic flaw that will affect few others, I can't see the damned 3D effects.
A modern exploitation flick that delivers the goods.
4 out of 5
Confused?
You might be.
Lake Victoria, every summer time, plays host to twenty thousand screaming jocks and nymphettes, all determined to enjoy their summer break by taking off most, if not all of their clothes, waving their arses around whilst covered in oil, and pouring as much alcohol down their worthless gullets as possible.
A seismic shift beneath the great lake's surface literally moves the Earth and, beneath the water, a crevasse is formed, linking the lake on the surface with one beneath the rock, that had been sealed for millions of years. Though shut off from the outside world for millenia, life still flourished, and soon finds its way into the warm upper waters and, wouldn't you know it, those voracious prehistoric piranha have a wanton taste for human flesh.
Cue much waterbound screaming and thrashing.
A simple enough premise, ripe for the modern faux B-movie workover.
But, this is a strange beast, and no mistake.
Essentially, viewing Piranha 3D is like watching two really short movies spliced together as one.
Movie 1: Run of the mill monster movie, where fish have really big teeth and eat anything that is foolish enough to swim where they lurk.
Movie 2: One of those God awful Girls Gone Wild soft porno's that gained brief notoriety - here in Blighty at least - when Larry David was determined to get his hands on one in CYE.
It's clever, though, almost post-modern.
See, we are watching a softcore movie being made by a cheap as chips porno director in the movie and, by lucky happenstance, that means we as the viewer get to watch a softcore movie ourselves, or at least snippets of it. Then the scene changes, and we're all gristle and gnashing teeth and flying cartilage. Then back again, to the porn movie. It's fucking bewildering at times, and is rooted squarely between the hateful and the genius and, even now, 24 hours after seeing the movie, I can't decide which way it swings.
As the bikini clad beauties shake their poomtang, as the muscle bound morons flex their pecs, delight in the certain knowledge that they will all meet a grisly end.
As Kelly Brook and her 'pal' cavort underwater, bare as the day they were born in a 'mermaid' scene that simply has to be seen to be believed - I laughed out loud at the preposterousness of the whole thing, whilst slowly 'Little Mosefus' made his presence felt - you'll be shaking your head in confusion.
So that's the nudity dealt with, what about the gore?
As a 3D only movie, I wasn't expecting much, but was pleased to be proved wrong as, on occasion, this is positively barbaric. Sure, there's the odd moment of CGI silliness and, yep, you get the occasional 'point something at the camera and wave it around in Real 3D' scene but, for the most part, the gruel is proper prosthetics, and the movie is all the better for it. As people are dragged onto boats midway through piranha attacks, we see their useless, flesh-stripped limbs flailing behind them. In one glorious moment of madness, a rather unfortunate woman gets her hair caught on the propellor of a powerboat and has the skin of her face ripped right off, a fine feat of special FX that had me giggling like an imbecile.
Whilst it takes a little while to get there, when the payoff comes it is well worth the wait and, as the bloodbath ensues, one couldn't help but be put in mind of the opening sequences of Saving Private Ryan, with body parts flying left and right, corpses adrift in the water, whilst those that survive must do battle with a seemingly invincible foe.
But at least this one had a plausible plotline....
Riotously good fun, the only reason I knock 1 off the rating is because, due to a genetic flaw that will affect few others, I can't see the damned 3D effects.
A modern exploitation flick that delivers the goods.
4 out of 5
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Repo Men (2010) Dir: Miguel Sapochnik
Sick and twisted sci-fi thriller, just like Grandma used to make.
Jude Law plays Remy, a Repo Man, employed by The Union to repossess their property. Thing is, the property in question just happens to be human internal organs, the reclamation order submitted due to failure of the owner to keep up their monthly payments.
On a recovery mission, Remy has an accident as a piece of equipment malfunctions and, when he wakes up in hospital, he discovers he has himself been fitted with a Union heart.
He's not amused and, vowing not to pay, waits for The Union to come for their property.
Law is effective enough in the lead role and, whilst Forrest Whittaker is certainly a fine actor and plays the part of Remy's partner perfectly adequately, there's something about him I just don't get along with. I think it has to do with the fact he plays so many worthy roles in worthy movies about worthy subjects.
Makes my fucking skin crawl.
Whilst many of the reviews I've read make a point of stressing the gore levels in the movie, I found myself a little underwhelmed by the splatter factor, expecting it to be much more blood thirsty than it was. True, there are plenty of parabolic blood splash moments with throat slittings, stabbings, eye gouges and, of course, vividly depicted organ removal, but it wasn't the blood-drenched nightmare I was hoping for.
I dunno, maybe my threshold for viscera is higher than most.
Visually this is rather interesting, too. Whilst the city exteriors owe the usual debt to Blade Runner, the interiors are squalid and grimy, not all polished white gleam as we expect from sci-fi, giving the movie quite an organic feel at times.
Only one negative aspect to report, that being the woeful choice of music throughout. Listen up, unless you are Tarantino or Scorcese, in the name of all that is deformed don't try to use REAL songs as incidental music, pay some schlub to write a proper score. Here, the choice of songs is so painful it became off-putting at times, which is a shame as all other elements worked well.
Whilst hardly likely to win movie of the year - or movie of the fortnight, for that matter - this was nevertheless an entertaining way to spend nigh on two hours.
Check it out.
Jude Law plays Remy, a Repo Man, employed by The Union to repossess their property. Thing is, the property in question just happens to be human internal organs, the reclamation order submitted due to failure of the owner to keep up their monthly payments.
On a recovery mission, Remy has an accident as a piece of equipment malfunctions and, when he wakes up in hospital, he discovers he has himself been fitted with a Union heart.
He's not amused and, vowing not to pay, waits for The Union to come for their property.
Law is effective enough in the lead role and, whilst Forrest Whittaker is certainly a fine actor and plays the part of Remy's partner perfectly adequately, there's something about him I just don't get along with. I think it has to do with the fact he plays so many worthy roles in worthy movies about worthy subjects.
Makes my fucking skin crawl.
Whilst many of the reviews I've read make a point of stressing the gore levels in the movie, I found myself a little underwhelmed by the splatter factor, expecting it to be much more blood thirsty than it was. True, there are plenty of parabolic blood splash moments with throat slittings, stabbings, eye gouges and, of course, vividly depicted organ removal, but it wasn't the blood-drenched nightmare I was hoping for.
I dunno, maybe my threshold for viscera is higher than most.
Visually this is rather interesting, too. Whilst the city exteriors owe the usual debt to Blade Runner, the interiors are squalid and grimy, not all polished white gleam as we expect from sci-fi, giving the movie quite an organic feel at times.
Only one negative aspect to report, that being the woeful choice of music throughout. Listen up, unless you are Tarantino or Scorcese, in the name of all that is deformed don't try to use REAL songs as incidental music, pay some schlub to write a proper score. Here, the choice of songs is so painful it became off-putting at times, which is a shame as all other elements worked well.
Whilst hardly likely to win movie of the year - or movie of the fortnight, for that matter - this was nevertheless an entertaining way to spend nigh on two hours.
Check it out.
Dr. Moreau's House of Pain (2004) Dir: Charles Band
You know, I had a dream a while back in which I opined the paucity of
movies featuring bare breasts and half human, half pig hybrids. "Why oh
why oh why," I cried, "Can we not see more breasts and pig men?" Well,
fear not my fellow brutarians, Dr Moreau is here to answer all of our
prayers.
Directed by Charles Band, he of low budget horror legend status,
unhealthy obsessed by killer doll movies (Blood Dolls, Puppet Master,
Dollman vs. Demonic Toys) here he takes a stab at the film noir genre,
bringing us a tale of human / animal experimentation in Prohibition era
America.
All the noir trappings are there: smoky streets, illuminated only by
atmospheric streetlamps, wiseguys in brimmed hats, broads in fur coats
and shawls with cigarette holders stuck between their well rouged lips,
and automobiles relevant to the period and, it must be stressed, for a
low budget movie he does a remarkable job of 'placing' the movie.
Whilst the plot is a fairly silly one, involving a young man searching
for his brother who went to Dr. Moreau for treatment and was
transformed into half man, half big cat, the trappings surrounding it
work very well.
Whilst hardly Orwellian, the script is nevertheless effective enough,
and the acting more than passable.
So, if you, like me, find yourself yearning for those hybrids anytime
soon, you could do worse than check this out
movies featuring bare breasts and half human, half pig hybrids. "Why oh
why oh why," I cried, "Can we not see more breasts and pig men?" Well,
fear not my fellow brutarians, Dr Moreau is here to answer all of our
prayers.
Directed by Charles Band, he of low budget horror legend status,
unhealthy obsessed by killer doll movies (Blood Dolls, Puppet Master,
Dollman vs. Demonic Toys) here he takes a stab at the film noir genre,
bringing us a tale of human / animal experimentation in Prohibition era
America.
All the noir trappings are there: smoky streets, illuminated only by
atmospheric streetlamps, wiseguys in brimmed hats, broads in fur coats
and shawls with cigarette holders stuck between their well rouged lips,
and automobiles relevant to the period and, it must be stressed, for a
low budget movie he does a remarkable job of 'placing' the movie.
Whilst the plot is a fairly silly one, involving a young man searching
for his brother who went to Dr. Moreau for treatment and was
transformed into half man, half big cat, the trappings surrounding it
work very well.
Whilst hardly Orwellian, the script is nevertheless effective enough,
and the acting more than passable.
So, if you, like me, find yourself yearning for those hybrids anytime
soon, you could do worse than check this out
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