Absurd (1981 aka Rosso Sangue & Horrible) Dir: Joe D'Amato

Sequel to D'Amato's own infamous gore-fest Antropophagus, this is a film made infamous in it's own right as one of the 72 movies labelled with the term 'Video nasty' (as was Antropophagus) by that guardian of moral integrity, Mary Whitehouse, and successfully prosecuted by the DPP (Department of Public Prosecution) in the early 80's in the UK.
The law itself was the Video Recordings Act 1984, designed to protect the public (!) from obscene and gratuitous content on the newly available home video format, ultimately served only to garner notoriety for the titles listed.
The fucking idiots.

The plot:
A Greek Orthodox priest arrives in a small community and attracts the attention of the local police. Initially reluctant to reveal the nature of his visit, the priest is forced to show his hand when a series of grisly murders commences, the priest revealing that the culprit is a man who has the power of incredible strength and recovery, facilitated by a super-charged metabolism and the fact that his blood coagulates at an extraordinarily rapid rate so, even if shot, his wounds barely affect him.

In true slasher style, the focus here is on the chase, with the plot centreing by turns on the killer stalking his victims, dispatching them in amusingly violent and imaginative means, as well as on the police hunt for him.
Possessing a down and dirty, gritty atmosphere, this is elevated by the sumptuous score which is a perfect blend of Italian giallo stylings laced with the stripped down, terror-inducing monotony of John Carpenter's best musical offerings.
The controversy regarding the gore lies chiefly with the killers' chosen methods of slaying, primarily power tools - an electric screwdriver, an industrial scale jigsaw - as well as, less conventionally (pun intended), an oven used to roast someone's head like a jacket potato whilst they are still alive before plunging a pair of scissors into their neck.
Yum-yum.
Featuring a jaw-droppingly good final scene to pack a killer punch to match the insanely gory preceding 90 minutes or so, this is Italian schlock and then some.
Great horror.

4 out of 5

Camp Blood (2000) Dir: Brad Sykes

Scoring a lowly 3.3 on IMDB at the time of writing, the appalling rating demonstrates quite clearly what a bunch of fucknuts the movie viewing public tends to be.
The plot:
Two couples go on a camping weekend to a place called Camp Blackwood, referred to by locals as Camp Blood. Indeed, on their way to the campsite they encounter one such bumpkin, who tells them the tale of a killer clown wandering the woods, occasionally striking to claim fresh victims.
On arrival, one of the party notices that the sign for the camp has been vandalised, the word Blackwood replaced with Blood.
See, already that would be sufficient for me to turn tail and flee back from whence I came but no, these imbeciles carry on regardless.
Hooking up with a guide who leads them through the forest to a suitable camp site, they settle down and tell each other spooky stories before retiring to bed to fuck the back out of their mindless selves. Awakening the following morning, a horror awaits: the burnt corpse of their guide. Attempting escape, the party are pursued by a machete wielding maniac in a clown mask.
Will any of them make it out alive?
And did any of them actually go to drama school?
Ultra low-budget, this feels like a high-grade student movie offering rather than a legitimate feature, the extremely short runtime (73 mins) adding to the thought.
With a cast of characters who range from insanely bland to magnificently over-wrought, and acting capabilities that would shame manies the local Am-Dram society, this is for low budget enthusiasts only.
Which returns me to my original point.
Judging this against 'regular' movies is just ludicrous.
Claiming this as 'the worst film you've ever seen' simply singles you out as a dullard.
Think about the context, think about the budget, and think about who this film has been made by and for before making such redundant claims.
Lecture endeth.
Enjoyable slasher nonsense, then.

4 out of 5