Shark Night 3D (2011) Dir: David R. Ellis

See, I live in The Midlands, UK.
I am, physically, about as far as it is to get from salt water (fnar, fnar) as it is possible to be in this nation.
And yet....
Sharks.
Man, they fill me with a fear only equalled by wasps and burly builders.

The plot:
Six highly attractive twenty somethings head into the Bayou for a weekend of fun and frolics. Feeling safe, the last thing they expect from an inland lake is to be picked off by man eating sharks but, wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what begins to happen.
How did the sharks get there?
What's with the inbred local sorts seeming to thrive on the attacks?
And why do the big fish seem to be rigged up with cameras?

By every logical measurement, this is awful.
The actors seem to be bewildered for the most part, probably wondering how they ended up doing 3 years at drama school to end up in shit like this.
The direction is lacklustre, almost comical at times.
The script is derisory, the plot nonsensical.
But, let's be honest, no-one's going into this hoping for the next Schindler's List.
Despite the many, many flaws, I have to say I enjoyed this.
Sharks attack, people get dragged around on the surface before disappearing in a spunk of blood.
My only real complaint is that it was way too tame.
Not enough sharks.
Not enough blood.
Not enough limbs being ripped off.
In fact, the shark action, at times, reminded one of Sean Connery era James Bond.
Not utterly awful, but nowhere near as graphic as it needed to be in order to be really, really cool.

3 out of 5

Chasing Amy (2001) Dir: Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith's third full length feature sees the writer/director in more reflective mood.

The plot:
Holden McNeil (Ben Affleck) and Banky Edwards (Jason Lee) are moderately successful comic book artists. Their comics bring droves of adoring fans but, for all their success, the pair cannot find true love. Banky, for his part, behaves like a child, repelling women at every turn, whereas Holden has the misfortune of falling for the one women his good looks seem unlikely to appeal to: the local lesbian, Alyssa Jones (Joey Lauren Adams). Well, this being a movie an' all, she begins to fall for the dubious charms of Holden and, now he has precisely what he wants, his sabotage behaviour kicks in, as Alyssa reveals a past filled with sexual adventure and thrill-seeking that Holden is not entirely comfortable with.....

More mature than his previous two offerings, this is the point where Smith really feels like he has grown up.
And what a crying shame that is too.
For the most part, gone are the outrageous vulgarities, in their place adults discussing sexual conquests and sexual positions and their low-self esteem with regards their own love lives and, frankly, it just got on my nerves.
Jay and Silent Bob put in appearance, but even this isn't right, as Bob begins to speak. Now, I get the joke, but it killed the character stone dead, primarily because Kevin Smith, the director, plays Silent Bob and, once he opens his mouth, he can't act for shit.
More mainstream, less disgustingly ribald, this seemed to be pitched more towards the multiplex drones than genuine Kevin Smith fans and it really suffered as a result.
Disappointed.

3 out of 5

Mallrats (1995) Dir: Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith's follow up to his excellent breakout sleeper hit, Clerks.

The plot:
TS and Brodie are young men with little focus in life. When their girlfriends dump them, the pair head down to the shopping mall to kill some time, and plot their next move. Whilst there, they encounter Jay and Silent Bob, an impromptu version of Blind Date, their comic book creator hero Stan Lee and, of course, romantic interludes.

As a filmmaker, Kevin Smith reeks of 'independence'. He clearly has no interest in conforming to movie making staples or formulae, instead ploughing very much his own furrow, one littered with outlandish characters and witty dialogue. You could say his model is one of putting reality on screen, though one seen through a smog of cannabis smoke and LSD come-downs.
Stylistically, this is similar to Clerks, the stripped down, indy approach evident, though of course this one is in colour.
Whether it stands up in comparison to Clerks is another matter entirely, as this seems less in your face, less shocking, less deliberately provocative. Sure it has it's confrontational moments, but the emphasis on the romantic robs it of a little of the power of the predecessor.
With an ensemble cast, the performances are variable and, in truth, the two leads aren't particularly likeable but then, I don't suspect they were ever meant to be.
Very much a love him or hate him kind of writer/director, I liked this a lot, just not quite as much as his first effort.

4 out of 5

Killer Elite (2011) Dir: Gary McKendry

Based on a true story - five words that can provoke tremors of dread - this is a strange beast, not quite sure if it wants to be a taut actioner or a politically charged thriller.
In the end, it delivers neither.

The plot.
Jason Statham is Danny, an elite military operative trained in the black art of assassination. He works alongside Hunter (De Niro), a grizzled old sort who has seen more than his fair share of action. When an assassination attempt turns sour, Danny swears to put the life behind him, to get out of the game, and manages to do so for one whole year.
The lure to pull him back in?
Hunter is taken hostage by an Omani Sheikh, who will only release him if Danny assassinates those responsible for the Sheik's son’s deaths.
The catch?
The killers were British military, specifically the SAS.....

A reasonably neat set-up, this starts off promisingly, with plenty of pacey action scenes and gritty fight sequences but, before too long, the interest starts to wane. See, curiously, even though this is based on a true story, at no point was I convinced by anything that was happening on screen. The plot seemed contrived, artificial, plain ridiculous on occasion, so quite how many liberties were taken is anybody's guess.
The cast perform adequately enough, particularly Jason 'The Stath' Statham who is always watchable. I must confess to something of a man-crush, if truth be told. My God, he looks delightful bare-chested save for a pistol holster.
Enjoyment wise, a telling fact is that, though the run time is only 100 minutes total, this felt more like a two hour plus movie.
Never a good sign.
Stylistic confusion, humdrum plotting, and a scattershot approach to pacing means this is probably one best skipped on the big screen, kids.

2 out of 5

Warrior (2011) Dir: Gavin O'Connor

Sports drama is an odd genre, the movies tending to be either great or dreadful.
You know, for every Rocky there's a Rocky V, for every The Wrestler there's a Jerry fucking Maguire.

The plot:
Separately, two brothers of an alcoholic former boxer begin training to compete in a Mixed Martial Arts competition, a winner takes all event where the victorious man will walk away with a cool $5,000,000.
One brother, Brendan, is a school teacher, with a wife and two daughters, caught in a blizzard of financial woes that see him heading back to the cages.
The second, Tommy, is a former marine, recently back from Iraq where something extraordinary took place that will either be the making or the breaking of him.
Neither brother has forgiven their father for his drunken ways, with blame laid at his door for their mother's early death and, crucially, the brothers themselves have not spoken in years.
So, when the pair of them wind up in the same competition, any bets on how this movie might end?

And there lies one of the problems. Right from the get-go, we know the final scene, could in fact have written it ourselves and, just as the movie reached it's zenith, I found myself urging the writers not to screw it up. Keep the darkness, I was thinking, don't do the obvious.
And then they did.
Add into that the fact that the 'family strife' is very much of soap opera standard, though perhaps not quite as shouty and over-wrought, and we have the makings for a disaster.
But.
But....
Then there are the cage fighting sequences, which are simply extraordinary. Forget the wanton excesses of Stallone's battered and bruised Balboa, all Hollywood sucker punches and human-impossible upper cuts, the violence here seems real for the most part, with only one lapse into silliness that I noted. The director does a fine job of dragging the viewer right into the action so that, at times, you almost feel the elbows smashing into cheekbones and eye sockets being fractured.
So, a mixed bag, with performances that are sure to get it the odd Oscar nod come February, breath-taking fight scenes and needless family melodrama.
Overall verdict?
Family drama guff: 1 out of 5
Fight sequences: 5 out of 5
Averaging out to a straight 3 out of 5

Alien Nation (1988) Dir: Graham Baker

When the plaudits were being handed out to District 9, seems everyone had completely forgotten about this little curio.

The plot:
In 1991, the world has had three years to get used to the idea of aliens' existence. A spaceship hoved into view and, desperate, they are introduced to human society. See, the aliens were genetically programmed to be slaves and, now arriving on the comparatively decadent Earth, it's not too long before The Newcomers develop the same vices and weaknesses as their human hosts.
We follow two cops, one human, James Caan's Matthew Sykes and one Newcomer, Mandy Patinkin's Samuel 'George' Francisco who begin to investigate a series of violent crimes that may expose the sinister underbelly of both humans and visitors alike.

Critically panned, this still gained enough of a cult following to spurn a one season run of a TV show. The problems with the concept are pretty clear as, frankly, this is nought but Lethal Weapon with aliens but, that being said, it's very, very watchable.
James 'Sonny' Caan is eminently engaging, as is Patinkin as the Newcomer cop.
True, the plot starts to run out of steam a little towards the end but, regardless, there are enough novel ideas here to engage - the Newcomers get drunk off sour milk, human penises are insignificant, sea water is acid to the aliens' skin - and, whilst the script is a little hackneyed, somehow the momentum sees it through.
Not the best, then, but certainly good enough that I will be checking out the TV show.
Decent sci-fi.

4 out of 5

The Ruins (2008) Dir: Carter Smith

Modern horror is rubbish, right?

The plot:
Two couples are enjoying a relaxingly perfect holiday in Mehikko and, chilling by the pool, they are befriended by a German tourist who invites them on an escapade to visit a remote Mayan temple. Initially reluctant, the foursome decide to follow his advice. Arriving in the middle of the jungle, they admire the construct briefly, before a gang of locals turn up, armed with guns and arrows and force them to climb the structure. Realising the armed sorts below won;t let them down, it's not too long before the stranded tourists discover that the folks with guns are the least of their troubles.....

This is a classic example of the bait and switch.
The bait: They lure you in thinking that this is just going to be a regular modern horror film.
The switch: The plot takes a decidedly unexpected turn and, more importantly, they actually manage to develop characters you care for at all.
With a viciousness at it's heart which is most appealing, this manages to be both emotionally engaging and stomach churning. One scene in particular, involving a knife and a prostrate German - I'll say no more - is tough going, but that's all to the good, as it means it is simply delivering on it's promise as a horror film.
You know.
To horrify.
With decent performances, a retro angle to the plot that might remind those of a certain pedigree of The Avengers (The Maneater of Surrey Green) or Doctor Who (The Seeds of Doom) this is proper horror that even made this genre devotee squirm on more than one occasion.
Very, very good indeed.

5 out of 5