Killer Elite (2011) Dir: Gary McKendry

Based on a true story - five words that can provoke tremors of dread - this is a strange beast, not quite sure if it wants to be a taut actioner or a politically charged thriller.
In the end, it delivers neither.

The plot.
Jason Statham is Danny, an elite military operative trained in the black art of assassination. He works alongside Hunter (De Niro), a grizzled old sort who has seen more than his fair share of action. When an assassination attempt turns sour, Danny swears to put the life behind him, to get out of the game, and manages to do so for one whole year.
The lure to pull him back in?
Hunter is taken hostage by an Omani Sheikh, who will only release him if Danny assassinates those responsible for the Sheik's son’s deaths.
The catch?
The killers were British military, specifically the SAS.....

A reasonably neat set-up, this starts off promisingly, with plenty of pacey action scenes and gritty fight sequences but, before too long, the interest starts to wane. See, curiously, even though this is based on a true story, at no point was I convinced by anything that was happening on screen. The plot seemed contrived, artificial, plain ridiculous on occasion, so quite how many liberties were taken is anybody's guess.
The cast perform adequately enough, particularly Jason 'The Stath' Statham who is always watchable. I must confess to something of a man-crush, if truth be told. My God, he looks delightful bare-chested save for a pistol holster.
Enjoyment wise, a telling fact is that, though the run time is only 100 minutes total, this felt more like a two hour plus movie.
Never a good sign.
Stylistic confusion, humdrum plotting, and a scattershot approach to pacing means this is probably one best skipped on the big screen, kids.

2 out of 5

Transporter 3 (2008) Dir: Olivier Megaton

Statham's back with his big shiny car, his big shiny gun and his even bigger and shinier brow.
The plot:
Forced out of retirement by a businessman who won't take no for an answer, played with devilish glee by Robert 'Bagwell' Knepper, Staffam's reluctance to Transport again is soon overcome and, before he can say "You Slaaaags" he's got a device strapped to his wrist that will explode if he moves more than 75 feet from his beloved car, and an unwanted partner in the shape of a young Ukranian woman.
Mission unknown, reward unknown working for person's unknown, it can only be a matter of time before sheer fucking mayhem ensues.
Peppered with dreadful dialogue, Statham takes this all in his mega-muscled stride.
Fight scenes are sparse, but intensely violent.
Stunts ditto, though exchange violent for preposterous, and all the better for it.
If you've seen the first two movies, you'll know exactly what to expect and, whilst I didn't enjoy it quite as much, this was still a fun ride.
Let's face it, this is quality Eurotrash.

4 out of 5

The Rock (1996) Dir: Michael Bay

Those that have been following the blog or the website for a while now will have noticed a tendency of mine to lambast all things Michael Bay. Be it the hideousness of the Transformers franchise, or his spectacularly annoying intention to remake any horror film of note from the late seventies, early eighties, his is a presence on this Earth I could well do without.
Then I get to The Rock, and I have reason to pause for....say it quietly....it is not utterly dreadful.
Whether that makes it any good, I am yet to be convinced.
The plot: A troubled and rather angry soldier (Ed Harris) leads a platoon of fellow malcontents onto Alcatraz, the force in charge of enough corrosive nerve agent to render San Francisco's entire population a gibbering pool of semi-humanoid matter.
The US government see fit to send in a chemical weapons expert (Nic Cage) as well as a man imprisoned for crimes against the state and, as luck would have it, the only man ever to successfully break out of Alcatraz (Connery).
Can their combined intellect outwit those that seem to hold all the cards?
Will Cage demonstrate any degree of acting acumen?
And did Connery use the same techniques to make good his escape from Scotland?
All of Bay's trademarks are in place:
A massively prolonged run time, far in excess of what the plot actually deems necessary.
Action sequences directed with so many camera's deployed that no amount of planning or logistics or, you know, directorial skill are required, you can just lop it all together in the editing suite later.
An overtly pompous score that is one half patriotic, one half bile inducing.
Grimly depressing caricatures of social minorities that border on the offensive: the gay hairdresser cutting Connery's hair is simply extraordinary to behold.
All that being said, something about this movie just about works. As skull-thumpingly dense as all of it is, I found it impossible to despise and, believe me, I tried.
I ascribe none of the movies enjoyability to Bay, mind you, more to a stroke of serendipity.
Things can be good by chance, rather than by design.
I took a dump a few days ago that was shaped exactly like one of the heads on Easter Island:



I didn't mean to create fine art, it happened entirely by chance and here, the same can be said of Michael 'F' Bay.

Cellular (2004) Dir: David R. Ellis

Larry 'The Stuff' 'It's Alive!' Cohen is not a man known for wasting a good idea so, here, he retreads ground similar to that covered in the short, sharp 2002 Colin Farrell thriller Phone Booth.
The plot: A primary school teacher, Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) is kidnapped by a ruthless gang who believe her husband has something that they want, and they will do whatever it takes to get their hands on it. Trapped in her own attic, the wall mounted telephone smashed to smithereens, Jessica jiggles a few wires and touches a few cables together and gets lucky, managing to make a connection to a man called Ryan (Chris Evans) on his mobile.
At first, he doesn't believe her story but, when one of the gang members re-enters the attic and Ryan hears threats issued, he is convinced, kick starting a race against time.
Can Ryan reach Jessica's husband and son before Jayson Stayffum and his cronies get their hands on them.
High concept stuff, I'm sure you'll agree, with the mobile phone plot device an effective one, lending the movie a genuine sense of the frantic.
Of course, on occasion, things become somewhat implausible - Ryan's method of obtaining a charger, the fact that the police don't take him down within minutes of commandeering the Porsche, the fact that Ryan didn't just head straight to the nearest newspaper HQ the second he saw what the crooks were after - but these quibbles are minor, and kind of missing the point.
This is all about the adrenaline rush.
Have to say, ten minutes in I felt sure I was going to hate the movie, as Ryan's character was fleshed out on Santa Monica pier, his perfect physique and Jockish banter with his 'bestest buddy' enough to make you pray for the Megashark to emerge from beneath the waves and chow down on the insufferable prick, but give the film the credit it deserves, once the MacGuffin was in place, the energy carried it through to the end.
A good action thriller.
But no more than that.

4 out of 5

Repo Men (2010) Dir: Miguel Sapochnik

Sick and twisted sci-fi thriller, just like Grandma used to make.
Jude Law plays Remy, a Repo Man, employed by The Union to repossess their property. Thing is, the property in question just happens to be human internal organs, the reclamation order submitted due to failure of the owner to keep up their monthly payments.
On a recovery mission, Remy has an accident as a piece of equipment malfunctions and, when he wakes up in hospital, he discovers he has himself been fitted with a Union heart.
He's not amused and, vowing not to pay, waits for The Union to come for their property.
Law is effective enough in the lead role and, whilst Forrest Whittaker is certainly a fine actor and plays the part of Remy's partner perfectly adequately, there's something about him I just don't get along with. I think it has to do with the fact he plays so many worthy roles in worthy movies about worthy subjects.
Makes my fucking skin crawl.
Whilst many of the reviews I've read make a point of stressing the gore levels in the movie, I found myself a little underwhelmed by the splatter factor, expecting it to be much more blood thirsty than it was. True, there are plenty of parabolic blood splash moments with throat slittings, stabbings, eye gouges and, of course, vividly depicted organ removal, but it wasn't the blood-drenched nightmare I was hoping for.
I dunno, maybe my threshold for viscera is higher than most.
Visually this is rather interesting, too. Whilst the city exteriors owe the usual debt to Blade Runner, the interiors are squalid and grimy, not all polished white gleam as we expect from sci-fi, giving the movie quite an organic feel at times.
Only one negative aspect to report, that being the woeful choice of music throughout. Listen up, unless you are Tarantino or Scorcese, in the name of all that is deformed don't try to use REAL songs as incidental music, pay some schlub to write a proper score. Here, the choice of songs is so painful it became off-putting at times, which is a shame as all other elements worked well.
Whilst hardly likely to win movie of the year - or movie of the fortnight, for that matter - this was nevertheless an entertaining way to spend nigh on two hours.
Check it out.