The Ruins (2008) Dir: Carter Smith

Modern horror is rubbish, right?

The plot:
Two couples are enjoying a relaxingly perfect holiday in Mehikko and, chilling by the pool, they are befriended by a German tourist who invites them on an escapade to visit a remote Mayan temple. Initially reluctant, the foursome decide to follow his advice. Arriving in the middle of the jungle, they admire the construct briefly, before a gang of locals turn up, armed with guns and arrows and force them to climb the structure. Realising the armed sorts below won;t let them down, it's not too long before the stranded tourists discover that the folks with guns are the least of their troubles.....

This is a classic example of the bait and switch.
The bait: They lure you in thinking that this is just going to be a regular modern horror film.
The switch: The plot takes a decidedly unexpected turn and, more importantly, they actually manage to develop characters you care for at all.
With a viciousness at it's heart which is most appealing, this manages to be both emotionally engaging and stomach churning. One scene in particular, involving a knife and a prostrate German - I'll say no more - is tough going, but that's all to the good, as it means it is simply delivering on it's promise as a horror film.
You know.
To horrify.
With decent performances, a retro angle to the plot that might remind those of a certain pedigree of The Avengers (The Maneater of Surrey Green) or Doctor Who (The Seeds of Doom) this is proper horror that even made this genre devotee squirm on more than one occasion.
Very, very good indeed.

5 out of 5

Splinter (2008) Dir: Toby Wilkins

Nasty, effective shocker that really delivers.

The plot:
On a camping trip, a nauseatingly perfect couple decide that nature has gotten the better of them and head for a Motel. Seeing a young woman at the side of the road, they stop to see if she needs help, only to be taken hostage by the woman's seemingly psychotic boyfriend.
Forced to drive, the car hits something in the road and develops a puncture.
Repairs affected, they continue, only for the radiator to start playing up, so they stop at a garage. Heading for the loo, the female accomplice discovers something horrific: a man, only twisted and bent out of shape, lacerated, with sharp, spine-like bristles jutting from his body.
Sensing her, it lunges.
Fleeing, she doesn't get too far before being cut down, forcing the three remaining to lock themselves inside the garage shop, lain siege by the victims of the Splinter parasite.....

Modern horror movies rarely deliver the goods, but this is a noble exception.
The set-up is neat, with tension built, though not too prolonged.
The monster itself is unusual, with shades of Carpenter's The Thing, along with the Cronenberg body horror we all know and love.
If you were being cynical, you could accuse it of ripping off various genre pieces - Evil Dead 2 (out of control arm), Aliens (thing scuttling along the floor), The Mist (trapped in a shop with gribbly type things outside) - but to do that would make you an astonishingly miserable arse.
Frightening, disturbing, splatterific, not to mention well scripted and very well made, I really, really liked this.

4 out of 5

Mother's Day (2010) Dir: Darren Lynn Bousman

Yet another remake of an 80's horror, this could only be bad, right?
The plot:
A couple have recently moved into a new house and seem to be throwing some kind of birthday party, so their disgustingly attractive friends are around.
Meantime, three brothers are in a spot of bother. One's been shot in a bank heist gone wrong, badly, and is going to die, so they decide to head back to the family home which is, yep, you guessed it, the very same home the new couple have moved into. Once there, all manner of threats ensue as they take control, then call for Mother to tell them what to do next.
Enter stage right Rebecca 'Hand That Rocks the Cradle' De Mornay to pull her mad as a bucket of frogs schtick.
And it's pretty nasty, and pretty violent, which is no surprise since director Bousman also directed Saws 2,3 and 4.
Thing is - and this is a big problem for me - it's 112 minutes long.
What the fuck?
This is an exploitation movie. Why on Earth is it so long? 90 minutes tops, people which, coincidentally is the precise run time of the original, a movie I am yet to see but which, by all accounts, is not very good at all.
So here we have it.
2011.
They've remade all of the decent horror from the 70's and 80's - well, maybe not The Exorcist or Hellraiser, but they can't be too far away - so now they are turning to the mediocre.
Save for one pretty entertainingly disturbing scene next to a cash machine (I won't spoil it, but it is nice and twisted, and shows Bousman's Saw related heritage) this is not even deserving of the accolade average.
Boring.

2 out of 5