Terminator Salvation (2009) Dir: McG

Please, Almighty God, up there in Heaven, Merciful Be Thy name.
Those were the thoughts that occurred when first news broke of Terminator Mk IV.
Then it emerged that Christian Bale would be the lead and I thawed somewhat, nay, even looked forward to it.

The plot:
In 2003 a death row inmate, Marcus Wright (Sam 'Avatar, Clash of the Tight 'Uns' Worthington) signs his still breathing carcass over for medical research.
In 2018, 14 years after the initial Skynet strike which eliminated most of humanity, pockets of resistance still survive, led by Our Hero, Christian 'Director of Photography baiting' Bale as John Connor.
After fighting off a few metallic bad guys, Connor discovers that Skynet has a new tactic: the ability to mould life-like, fake flesh over the metallic skeletons of the Terminator's.
Apparently harvesting humans, Skynet is determined to wipe out the blight of humanity once and for all, including Kyle Reese, the man who would go on to become Michael Biehn in the original movie.
Then they take Marcus Wright prisoner.
Then, with the aid of a female insider, he escapes.
Then he turns against his own kind.
Then he seems to save the day.
Then Kyle Reese is in jeopardy again.
Then.......

Confused?
I know I was.
Let's be clear about a couple of things right away:
The plot is a shambles.
It's incoherent, lacking structure or a seeming 'purpose' within its own internal logic and frankly baffles at times.
Christian Bale, much as I like him - he's great as Batman, is feverishly intense in The Machinist and was the best thing about the otherwise lacklustre The Fighter - here delivers lines by either roaring angrily or whispering furiously, and nought in between, which gets a bit silly, almost parodic at times.
But none of that stuff really matters, because this is just a really cool sci-fi actioner.
The robots look cool.
The new motorbike-mounted Terminators look cool.
Christian Bale looks fucking cool.
And it flies by. You're not given chance to think too much about what's happening, or really care, as another building is exploding, another dogfight kicking off, another bout of ground based conflict ensuing.
I thought this film was bloody great and, frankly, I'm only docking a point because it's directed by someone arse-kickingly preposterous enough to dub himself McG.
Liked this very much indeed.

4 out of 5

X-Men: First Class (2011) Dir: Matthew Vaughn

Fifth movie outing for the mutant franchise, surely everyone is getting a little bit sick of it all by now?
The plot:
It's 1963 and Charles Xavier, a young Professor at Oxford University, becomes increasingly aware of the flourishing of mutant's in the world, and the potential war that is to come, both between 'normal' people and mutants, and within mutant circles, as lines of dominance are forged.
So it is, against a backdrop of growing hostilities between USA and USSR, which would culminate in the Cuban Missile Crisis with the world on the brink of thermonuclear war, that he forms his school for mutants and, with his first intake of pupils, must ensure a peaceful resolution to the Cuban situation.
Being an origins story, much of the focus here is on establishing just why the characters we are familiar with at a latter point in their chronology behave as they do and, in that, this movie is successful.
Having never read the comics, it is difficult to say how accurate they are in terms of the series mythos, but everything seemed to make sense, fine and dandy like.
Other plus points include Kevin Bacon's creepy turn as Sebastian Shaw, the villain of the piece to begin with, until Magneto steps forward, as well as some cool new mutants, in particular Tron disc throwing Havok.
But it's all a touch dull, in truth.
There's no real sense of urgency or dramatic tension.
We know the mutants are going to survive.
We know Professor X and Magneto are going to come through in the end and we know that, in the final showdown, Professor X will be paralysed.
We know all of that, and the writer's don't really give us anything else to chew on.
Functionality is the key word here.
The direction is functional.
The plotting is functional.
The performances are functional.
Nothing stands out, there's no flair, no surprises, nothing to genuinely excite, which is a real surprise considering the director's last movie was the simply excellent Kick Ass.
Can't say it's rubbish, folks, but it's a little in one ear,out the other.

3 out of 5

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991) Dir: Nicholas Meyer

You know the old adage, about the odd number Trek movies being the stinkers, with the evens way above par?
Certainly fits here.
The plot: With the Klingons forced to go cap in hand to The Federation to seek an alliance following a devastating explosion on their own moon, Kirk and Co. are assigned the mission of beginning the diplomatic process. Though stilted, things appear to have gone reasonably well - or as well as could have been expected with Klingon hater Kirk in charge, any way - when a new disaster strikes. On board the Klingon vessel, mysterious, Star Fleet space-suited figures materialise, knocking out the gravity system in the process and proceed to run amok on the Klingon vessel, killing anything that moves with a bony forehead......
Superbly cast, the likes of Christopher Plummer and David Warner bring genuine gravitas to the Klingon ambassadors.
Special effects wise, though CGI was really in its infancy, this nevertheless looks impressive, with some natty battle sequences, a killer explosion and some pretty cool purple-pink Klingon blood bobbing about in Zero-G.
Though the movie does begin to drag it's heels during the second act, when Kirk and McCoy are tried for crimes against the Klingon Empire and sentenced to die on an ice-bound hard labour planet, where they happen upon a shape-shifting Mrs. David Bowie - the 1st and 3rd acts are so strong it is difficult not to be impressed.
True, Scotty may look as though his Star Fleet issue tunic could very well pop at any moment, McCoy looks as though he has been smearing himself in wood varnish for the past 30 years and Chekov's Russian accent hasn't got any more convincing, but this is a stand out effort in Trek's long movie history.
Unsurprising, really, given that Nicolas 'Wrath of Khan' Meyer was back behind the lens.
Excellent all round.

5 out of 5