Constantine (2005) Dir: Francis Lawrence

Based on a DC Comic, Constantine is a mash-up of theological shenanigans and CGI meltdowns.

The plot:
Perma-bland Reanu Keeves plays John Constantine, a detective who investigates all things supernatural. See, he isn't like you or me, for he can 'see' things demonic and supernatural.
We join Constantine as he is attempting to exorcise a young girl. to rid her of a demon which, he is surprised to discover, is a soldier demon attempting to break through into our world, something he previously believed impossible.
Shortly afterwards, Constantine is attacked on the street by another demon, and soon begins to realise that the demonic forces are gathering strength and, as his investigations continue, he discovers that Satan's son himself is keen to wreak havoc upon mankind.
So far, so apocalyptic.

The director does a decent job visually, and it is clear that the source material is comic book based, merely from the visual style.
The CGI work is excellent, with Hell brought to the screen in fairly conventional, Dante's Inferno-lite manner, with some clever creature designs.
Heck, even Reanu is passably OK, as all he is required to do is wander around the screen in a maudlin manner, something even he is capable of.
Losing some impetus towards the end, as CGI-overload kicks in, this is almost a really good film.
It won't change your world, you'll never want to watch it again, but for the duration it is passably entertaining.
But no more.

3 out of 5

Skyline (2010) Dir: Colin Strause, Greg Strause

Getting some pretty rough reviews this one, unfairly in my humble one.
The plot: A small group of people are sleeping off a party in a swanky L.A. penthouse, when strange lights beam down from the sky. Anyone who looks at the light becomes transfixed, and can't resist the urge to walk towards it. As their faces alter and eyes transform suddenly they are sucked into the light.
The following day, a fresh menace, as huge spacecraft descend from the heavens, again beaming the strange light, but this time we see thousands of people sucked up through the beam of light into the belly of the beast. What's more, smaller craft break off from the motherships, in search of any humans that may have escaped their light beam and, down on the ground, gigantic monsters roam.
Schlocky, cliched and utterly ridiculous?
Why yes indeed, but it is also riotously entertaining and manages to be pretty damn tense in places too.
Apparently, this was shot for the paltry sum of $10 million, lose change for most sci-fi special effects movies but, for the most part, you really can't see much difference. Sure, the odd bit of overlay looks a bit ropey, but it certainly does nothing to detract from the spectacle.
Managing to be both epic and looming in terms of the visuals, story wise this is stripped right down as, for much of the movie, it is not clear if the rest of the planet is affected, or just the one city, the focus instead on the travails of Our Heroes.
Certainly flawed, certainly a mish-mash of dozens of other movies we've seen before, and they blow it big time in the last five minutes, yet this is still an engagingly enjoyable sci-fi actioner.

Volcano (1997) Dir: Mick Jackson

Sometimes I get really depressed when I read comments made by the general public about movies.
I'm not talking about movie critics here, I'm on about the normal nobody bods such as myself who have a passion for movies and feel the almost unnnatural urge to spout their views about them, as if anybody actually gives a shit. I'm in their demograph yet sometimes I feel as if I know them not at all.
The reason for my griping?
Reading endless comments about how this movie was just about the 'special effects' or just about the melodrama, or there was too much focus on the human side of the tragedy unfolding on screen.
What do these fucknuts expect?
It's a disaster movie. That's what happens in disaster movies. It's like choosing to watch a martial arts flick and bleating about the men being too rough, or watching a porno and complaining about the nudity. It goes with the territory, you insufferable swellings.
*and relax*
Well, here we have Tommy Lee Jones leading the battle to spare as many lives as possible when a natural catastrophe strikes Los Angeles in the form of a volcano erupting beneath MacArthur Park.
That's all you need to know.
Honest.
Cue the usual highly fraught scenes of women and children, the ubiquitous 'pet in peril', as well as a less than subtle racial take on things, as blacks and whites are compelled to join forces to do battle against a new, colour blind foe: lava.
It's preposterous.
Of course it is.
But it's held together by the two leads and the fact that broiling lava is always an impressive visual spectacle. In truth, this is a 3 out of 5 rating, but the very presence of Tommy Lee Jones elevates it by one point. Seriously, he could tell me that I had cancer in every part of my body and I would still be entertained and more than a little aroused.
A disaster flick for the 90's, then, and more than adequate at that.