The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Dir: Scott Derrickson

Reanu Keeves stars as Klaatu in this skull crushingly stupid remake of a sci-fi classic.
The plot:
A large, glowing sphere takes control of an Arctic explorer type, and infuses him with the essence of a being known as Klaatu. Sent to Earth as a sort of scout party, to see if humanity is deserving of continuation, the rest of his buddies arrive in the form of loads more glowing spheres, the principle interest being on the one in Central Park, NYC from which emerges both Klaatu, who is promptly shot, followed by a giant robot, dubbed G.O.R.T. (Genetically Organized Robotic Technology!)
G.O.R.T. has the power to disrupt electricity and paralyse humans with sound waves.
Well, initially Klaatu determines that humanity is beyond redemption, so G.O.R.T. releases a bunch of nanobots which proceed to consume everything in their wake - cars, people, football stadiums - but then Klaatu has a revelation, as an annoying little shit stain takes him to a graveyard and demonstrates that humans aren't just warlike maniacs, after all, and they should be spared.
But is it too late?
And it is so head pummellingly thick in every regard, I was on the point of tears by the end.
Reanu is absolutely abject in his performance here, resembling a man who hadn't even bothered to learn his lines and was under the influence of some form of IQ draining condition.
The effects are OK, I guess, the plot is contrived and patronising and so fucking obvious if you haven't guessed how this will end after half an hour go check yourself into a clinic, post haste.
Brain sappingly poor, this only gains a mark for the laugh out loud performance of Reanu, which was certainly entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons.
Besides that, this is absolute rubbish.

2 out of 5

Anvil! The Story of Anvil (2008) Dir: Sacha Gervasi

Way back in the day, when NWOBHM ruled the world and it was acceptable to wear a denim jacket with patches of your favourite bands stitched to every available surface, there was this band called Anvil. Their first 3 albums, Hard 'n' Heavy, Metal on Metal and Forged in Fire received positive reviews all round and it seemed they were set for the big time but, due to bureaucratic bungling and a mystifying lack of label support, they never truly hit the big time.
Having influenced the generation that would go on to define metal for the next ten years, Anvil floundered.
Now, some 18 years later, this excellent documentary picks up with the founder members, Lips and Robb, at the tail end of a European tour that saw them playing to virtually empty venues, and on the verge of recording their 13th full length album.
Filled with charm, passion, a genuine sense of injustice - 2011's album release is titled Juggernaut of Justice, incidentally - this is all about human spirit triumphing above all else, overcoming obstacles that would see lesser men crumble.
The single-minded determination is something to truly marvel at and, frankly, should make Metallica blush.
An excellent rockumentary that would be a spoof to rival Spinal Tap if it weren't actually real life.
Just great.

5 out of 5

Stake Land (2010) Jim Mickle

It's post apocalyptic.
It's a vampire tale.
It's a post-apocalyptic vampire tale.
The plot:
The world has been decimated by a plague of vampires. America seems to have been the first to fall, the outbreak starting in the south and sweeping northward. People blockaded themselves into townships, but these proved useless. Now, all that survives of society is an occasional settlement, guarded fiercely, and a cult of religious fanatics known as The Brotherhood, keen that all should follow their God, and prepared to massacre anyone who resists.
We follow Mister, a craggy old vampire hunter, and Martin, a young man without a family who he has taken under his wing as they head north, attempting to find New Eden. Along the way, they'll meet skin headed brethren, blood spewing vampires and Top Gun's Kelly McGillis.
And it's quality stuff, to be honest.
An independent movie, this easily casts off the limitations that Hollywood imposes and offers instead a melancholic, relentlessly bleak little tale.
The special effects, though sparse, are effective enough, and the occasional moment of insane violence unsettling, for sure.
Tonally, this has echoes of Diary of the Dead, thematically, we can see glimpses of Near Dark and last years excellent low budget creature feature Monsters, so it's in damn fine company.
As with all good genre fare, this is allegorical if you care to look for it (the religious are worse than the infected), but this can just as easily be viewed as a straight forward monster movie, though a pretty damned downbeat one.
Not really breaking any new ground - although the vampire 'bombs' the Brotherhood drop were a novelty - this is still a sure-footed, miserabilist horror movie, just like Grandma used to make.
Liked it a lot.

4 out of 5

Ponyo (2008) Dir: Hayao Miyazaki

After the spellbinding Spirited Away and the hauntingly beautiful Howl's Moving Castle, Hayao Miyazaki here gives us an altogether more simplistic tale.
The plot:
Sosuke is a young boy who lives with his mother and father on a rocky outcrop right next to the sea, his father passing by occasionally on the ship he captain's.
One day, Sosuke discovers a small fish with a human face, names her Ponyo and keeps her in a bucket. When Ponyo disappears after having been 'rescued' by her wizard like father, she puts all her efforts into becoming human so that she can return to Sosuke and live life as a little girl instead of a fish!
And it is certainly enchanting, though somehow lacks the scale and scope of most of Miyazaki's previous output.
Coming across as slightly more 'child-friendly' than before, this didn't captivate to quite the same degree and, the worry is, now that Miyazaki has the support of Pixar, could we be seeing a slight watering down of his imagination to fit the Disney model more appropriately?
I hope to God not, as it was the riot of creativity that set him apart, and brought him to the attention of Pixar's John Lasseter in the first place, so to adapt to blend in would seem to make little sense.
With a sequel to Porco Rosso currently in production, I guess we'll find out soon enough.
Ponyo was good, but it was no Princess Mononoke.

4 out of 5

The Wrestler (2008) Dir: Darren Aronofsky

Director Darren Aronofsky is rapidly becoming a firm favourite here at Smell the Cult HQ. Helmsman of the utterly brilliant Requiem for a Dream and the stupendously good Black Swan, here he is slightly less intense, but I'd still like to smother him in cheese and pop him under the grill for five minutes, all the same.
The plot:
Mickey Rourke, looking more like Hellboy with each passing year, plays Randy 'The Ram' Robinson, a fading Pro-Wrestler whose best years are way behind him. Working part time in a supermarket, he still plies his real trade at weekends, though at small town halls rather than capacity stadia. When a heart attack sees his wrestling career brought to an abrupt end, Randy tries to patch up his life outside the ring; he wants a stripper to become his long term partner, he wants to work full time behind the deli counter at the supermarket, and he wants to make amends with his estranged daughter.
Inevitably, after years living hard and playing hard, Randy finds it difficult to re-enter the real world, and it's only a matter of time before the call of the ring lures him back, no matter the fact that it will probably kill him.
And it's a really touching affair.
Rourke is superbly cast and, I suspect, the role was written with him very much in mind.
With Marisa Tomei providing excellent support as stripper Cassidy - a remarkably brave role to take on for such an established actress, and one she was duly rewarded with an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress, along with Rourke's Best Actor nomination - and some real pathos, this is a drama that is powerful and provocative, though it never quite reaches the stirring heights of intensity of some of Aronofsky's other works.
Great film, though.
Very good indeed.

4 out of 5

Mirrors (2008) Dir; Alexandre Aja

American remake of a Korean original, this is actually far better than it has any right to be
The plot:
Kiefer Sutherland is a washed out cop who has quit the force under mysterious circumstances and takes a job as a security guard at a burnt out shopping mall which suffered a fire several years previously and is still sitting, unused. He's got family trouble and is desperate for the cash.
The whole place is a wreck, except for several giant mirrors.
On patrol, Kiefer sees something strange within the mirror, and can't shake the feeling that he is not looking into the mirror, but that the mirror is looking back at him.....
And it's pretty spooky stuff.
Kiefer is in full on Jack Bauer mode, whispering gruffly before occasionally shouting furiously, which is a bit hard to take seriously, but the fact that this is helmed by Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes remake, Piranha remake, Haute Tension) lends this an air of credibility as he is, you know, a proper horror director, so handles the shocks really effectively, and delivers a real monster at the end that packs some punch and isn't just a limp and pointless CGI fest.
Seriously, it's pretty nasty, and I half expected it to start chanting "Dead By Dawn."
Yet to see the Korean original, though if the usual rule applies that the source Asian movie is vastly superior, it should be a cracker, as this one wasn't half bad.
Enjoyed it.

4 out of 5

Hero (2002) Dir: Yimou Zhang

Spellbindingly beautiful Chinese movie.
The plot:
Jet Li plays Nameless (that's what he calls himself!), an apparent hero for the Qin King, who has vanquished the three most deadly assassins, Sky, Broken Sword and Flying Snow, whose aim in life was to assassinate the King.
The King demands to know how such an innocuous seeming individual as Nameless could overcome such fearsome opponents, and has him recount his tale, occasionally allowing him to move closer to where he sits on his throne.
But the King has made a mistake, for Nameless is not a loyal disciple for Qin, but himself an assassin, who has hatched a dastardly plan to assassinate the King himself, with the help of his three collaborators, the assassins he claims to have killed.
It sounds more complicated than it is, and the structure works.
Described as Rashomon-like in composition - a movie I must make an effort to watch at some point - the movie uses flashbacks to recount a tale of intrigue and betrayal, all stunningly shot.
It truly is beautiful to watch, director Yimou Zhang, who also helmed the equally sumptuous House of Flying Daggers, having a real eye for artistic flair.
With spectacular stunt work and fight sequences, employing wire work in a way that simply adds to the air of majesty, this is just breathtaking movie making.
Fantastic.

5 out of 5